Hi baby. I can only imagine what youre going through right now, and I am so sorry that you have to feel this way. You don't deserve that from your parents, no parent should ever do this mental terror on their children.. I really miss you, words can't describe how much I actually miss you.. And my heart still beats for you rapidly, I love you so much Salma, and I want you to know baby, when I said I will never give up on you I was telling the truth, everything ive ever said to you was honest and truthful, i dont have any reason to lie to you. I will not give up on you. I will repeat myself, it does not matter what life throws at us, I will be always by your side, and support you and love you through everything. There is no one better for me out there, and you know that, we both know that we cannot live without each other, what you gave me in this short period of time no one could ever do this to me, its only you, only you are in my head, i dont want anyone else, if i could trade off everything in my life, I would do it without hesitation. I know that youre in despair, and broken, i can feel it inside me, and it hurts me so badly that the love of my life feels this way. I trust both of us, I trust you that you love me enough that we can get through this, together. You might not see an option now, and its understandable. I'm just completely trusting in our love and connection. But I know we'll be fine, and as soon as this is over, I can continue treating you the way I did my princess. Please, believe in us, this isn't the end Salma, and we both know it. I love you so much baby, and I can't wait to talk to you again every day, and continue making you the happiest girl on earth. We also have people who supports us, really good people, we must believe in them too, theyre sending prayers for us. I'm trying to stay as positive as possible, since we're connected i think its possible that you feel what i feel, so I'm trying to make it easier for you, I hope you can feel it, and feel the love even though I can't talk and text you right now. I miss you so much Salma and I love you so much. If you're reading this that means you let my sister help us, that means a lot to me, please don't give up Salma, you're a strong girl, I believe in you.

Please believe in yourself, and us as well. Not God, neither humans can seperate the ones who love each other deeply, there's always a way, there's nothing thats impossible for love. I love you Salma, my wife, my everything.

Hi baby.. I can only imagine how you are feeling right now.. I know this is so hard, and for me as well, maybe this is the most difficult thing in my life yet, being seperated from you once again.. My soul and heart aches for you more and more and more every single hour, i really cant live without you.. I miss you so terribly that I can't even think straight anymore, I want to be with you so badly that I could cry, but I know that I can't cry.. Not yet.. I have to stay strong for my pretty princess so its a bit easier for you, I mean it in a spiritual way only your soul can feel.. I have to be patient, I have to keep being positive, I will never lose my faith in you, I trust you with my whole soul, my soul trusts you that you will reach out soon, really soon.. I love you so much baby there's nothing I enjoy doing while knowing that we have to go through this.. I look at this like a trial from God, if we really do deserve each other, if we really are meant to be together, deep down I already know the answer, that you're my other half, my most precious blessing in my life, my everything, but it is really hard to wait when your soul aches for your other halfs presence.. I love you so so so so much, i miss you terribly.. I love you Salma, youre my everything.. It's a bit weird but I can genuinely feel you, like you're touching me and sometimes I hear your voice in my head answering to me.. I might've gone schizo from how much I miss you, but I believe that this is thanks to our deep connection between us, I love you.. I love you so much.. I'll be here waiting, my precious angel.. Come through soon, please..

Salma I miss you so much.. It's like my soul and heart is missing a piece you completed and I just can't do anything anymore with a smile on my face.. I think about you all day, about how much I love you and miss you, and how we're going to get through this together, but sometimes the sadness just gets too overwhelming and I really can't go on without you.. Nothing makes sense, I barely eat, I barely laugh, I have the urge to cry hour.. My soul aches for your presence, and your voice and love.. I still believe that we're meant to be together, I love you so much, I believe and have trust in us.. You make my days brighter, with you everything is more vibrant, your smile shines lighter than a thousand stars combined, your laugh is my favorite melody, your voice is so calming and I could listen to you speak 24/7, you make my storms calmer, and more lighter, with you, everything just makes sense.. You are my one, my only one, who can make me feel this loved.. If I had to choose between my last breath or never loving you again, I would use my last breath to tell you that I love you so much, with a smile on my face, because I rather take my last breath, than to live in a world where You doesn't exist in my life.. I believe you feel the same way, no.. I feel it you feel the same way, no one of us knows how much longer we can go on without each other, the feeling of missing you is so terribly strong I could cry rivers.. I want to hug you so badly and kiss your forehead and tell you that everything is going to be fine, that we'll be fine, rub your back and pat your head until you fall asleep in my arms, and until you feel the safest.. I know you don't sleep much, and it pains me so much that you must be so exhausted by this point and I can't do anything to ease your pain.. I want to kiss you so badly and make you feel so loved that you forget every painful moment youve ever had in your life, I want to give you everything I have in me, support you through good and bad, love you every single second of every day, and even in the afterlife, I would spend my entire existence searching for you again, but I dont think I would need to search for long, because I love you so deeply and I feel so connected to your soul that even I do not know sometimes If its me feeling a certain way, or you.. It is weird but not in a bad way, because your soul is beautiful and it doesnt deserve this seperation its going through, neither of us do. I hope when I imagine that I hug you and kiss your forehead to make you feel safe so you know its going to be okay, you can feel my warmth that I want to give you.. I love you so much baby and I cant repeat myself enough on that, I love you so much and I belong to you for the rest of my existance.. You're the one I can call Home, where I feel safe and loved, appreciated, where I feel like I'm enough and where they love me for who I am, thats you Salma, you're the one I can call home, ive every reason to.. I love you so much, I'm waiting for you, I miss you terribly.. Speak to you soon, Salma, don't keep our souls waiting for long. I love you

Hi baby.. I slept 2-3 hours total today, I feel like I'm going to throw up.. I woke up at 23 yesterday because I had a good feeling that you will reach out today, and haven't really got a shut eye since. I was so positive that youre going to text today and it just makes me sad so much that you did not, but I still have this feeling that you will and you want to talk to me so badly, I feel the same.. I texted my boss if I could stay home today because it's legit impossible for me to work today with this much amount of sleep, so I had to lie and I said that i messed up my stomach and I threw up and I barely slept, which is true. I miss you so much Salma, nothing makes sense without you.. I'll try to get some shut eye when my boss answers me, or if she demands I have to go in :D.. Anyways, I love you so much, and I can't wait to talk to you again, play with again, laugh with again, and just be with you again, including everything, I miss you so much Salma and I'm here still, waiting for the love of my life

I managed to sleep for a bit because I felt like you were next to me.. These days without you and being seperated already feels like an eternity and the feeling of missing you is so strong that I feel sick.. You are on my mind for the whole day and I miss you so terribly I could cry rivers again.. We both barely sleep and eat, I don't want you to get sick because of this, come home soon Salma, our souls aches for each other.. I love you so much, you're the girl of my life, and this little seperation is not going to change anything inside of me, it just pains me to my core that I can't hear your voice and talk to you, I want to love you but I can only give you the feeling of love through our connection and I hope you can feel it.. You're my everything and every passing second without you feels like torture, I want to speak to you so badly.. I love you, I love you so much Salma, and this will never change.. Sleep well, my precious princess

I saw you played a Ranked game after 3 days, I'm happy that you had energy and power to sit down and play, you also did so well, I'm so proud of you. Ive also played but I genuinely can't enjoy anything because I feel so sad.. When I play there is not one round where I dont think about you, and the feeling of missing you is so draining and painful at this point that I can't even concentrate on anything I'm doing.. I love you so much... I want to hear your voice so badly I want to hear that cute laugh of yours again, and you calling me pretty boy and baby is the most sweetest things my ears could wish for, your whole existence is a wish come true for my soul, i love you so much.. I pray that you get the courage to message me tonight, so we can build towards a solution about this situation and be happy once again, because I dont think I will ever be happy in my life if I lose you as well.. But I don't think thats the case because I know that you're the love of my life, the one made for me, a match in heaven, my everything, the other half of my soul, you fill in the missing pieces, youre everything that I could wish for, the best thing that can ever happen in my life, I can't love anyone else like I love you, and its so painful that I can't be with you now.. I miss you so much Salma..

Hi baby. I woke up crying like a baby this morning lmao, it felt like I was with you again and reality hit too heavy. But I've been feeling good, and i can't explain it but, it's like my soul knows something that I don't, and you're such a strong girl and I'm so proud of you, I believe in you, you're amazing. I feel like you will text me soon and everything will be good again, I know you don't really know what to say to me yet when you build up enough courage to reach out to me, but don't worry, I love you so much and it does not matter if you can't find the words or don't know what to say, we'll figure it out, together. I love you so much baby, it feels a bit lonely texting you like this but at least I feel like I am texting you, none the less at least I have this at the moment. I'm waiting for you baby, don't let your good boy wait much longer because you're strong and you can do it! Believe in us, in our bond, in our love that many people don't have and never experience in this world. You mean everything to me, I love you, and I miss you. Talk to you soon

Hi my love, I hope you saw my new message on my profile for you, I saw your banner as well.. And it made me worried because that song is about double suicide, but I think you meant the true meaning of that song, that you will love me till the day you die, and I feel the same, you're my everything and my love grows stronger and stronger for you each day. Honestly, being seperated from you is really like I've been living in hell, nothing makes sense without you.. I try my best to stay positive, and just be as happy as I can be until you return, but its kinda draining to force out happiness when you're not really happy.. But my positivity never leaves me, even when I become overwhelmed with sadness by your missing presence, I'm positive that this is just an obstacle, that we'll get through together, because true love always wins in the end, and you will be the end of my story, forever, I will love you until the deep cosmos tears away my mind. I know you feel really sad now, and I'm so proud of you for trying to gain strenght and courage to reach out to me, so this situation becomes a tad bit easier. But I have to be patient, you might not even know what to say to me when you do, but it's all right, we'll figure it out together. Nothing makes sense without you Salma, it really doesn't. I love you so much, you make my world more vibrant, it becomes more vibrant just by thinking of you, you are the calm in my storms, youre the person I can call home, you are worth every single drop of pain if it means I get to be with you for the rest of my life, because I wouldn't want it any other way, you shine brighter than a thousand stars combined, your smile is the most prettiest thing I've ever seen in my life. I could say about that your face as well, but even your whole existence, you as a whole is the most beautiful thing that ever exists, you make me feel ways I didn't know it was possible for me to feel ever again, safe, heard, and deeply loved. You're worth everything Salma, I'm trying my best for you, I have no reason to leave you behind in this cruel world, I'll be here for you and support you, love you, and be by your side, I love you so much, my words cant describe how much. I never knew it's possible to miss a person as much as I miss you, my soul aches for you every minute of the day.. I know we will be together again soon, because our souls and heart never left each other. I love you and miss you deeply. I also have some really good clips to show you, some of them are not long just a good shot and dying after or something like that but I think you would like it. I also see that you're playing with your friend, I'm happy that you can get up from your bed, even though you probably can't get your mind off of me, it might help you relax a bit. Keep going a bit more, pretty girl, you're so strong and I believe in us, we got this, I love you!

Hi baby.. I woke up feeling sick again, I didn't go to work, I dont think im going to work either this week anymore. Yesterday I had a strong sense that you would text, it was a really strong sense.. And yet my favorite notification didn't go through.. I feel devastated YET I'm so proud of my pretty girl, I know you're trying your best but you are scared of a few things. Especially about what you should say to me, but it's okay, you don't have to know, we'll figure it out when you reach out to me, so you don't have to be scared about what you should type, a "hi baby" would make me cry in joy, and we would go on after that, you don't have to be perfect for me, you dont have to always text me in long answers or openers. I miss you so much Salma and my love for you is neverending, I'm not giving up. Remember the things I put out on my discord for you; When fear speaks loudly, listen to my faith in you. And Borrow my strenght until yours return. I love you. I know you were so close to reaching out, I felt it, I felt that you were so close to me, and then nothing happened, the closeness stayed, but your notification didn't pop.. This will be the 7th day without the love of my life, unfairly seperated, and yet my love still grows stronger for you. I'm here, waiting for you my Queen, I belong to you. I love you so much Salma, words can't describe it. Keep it up, my good girl, I'm so proud of you and I know you can do it, I believe in you!

Hi baby, I could sleep longer today since I didn't go to work because I was feeling sick, but you know that. I hope you got some rest today as well, and have eaten. I love you so much, and I miss you terribly, I want to play with you again, I want to talk to you again, to laugh with again, to gives kisses to again, to write cute messages again while youre asleep, to make you feel safe, to make you happy, to erase your bad thoughts, to give you all my love that is in me, to chill with in my bed.. We still haven't watched anime together, we haven't played anything else together, but I know our time to do that is really soon, I miss you so much baby and you mean the world to me, youre the one who gives sense to everything in this cruel world, and I couldn't be more happy and lucky to love a woman like you, I will never give up on you. If you cant stand, I will help you stand, if you dont have strenght, borrow mine, if your fears speak louder, listen to my faith, if anything, I'm here for you. I will always love you for who you are and I will never let your hand go off of mine, I will stand beside you in every storm that comes, in every hardship, I will always choose you without a question, you're my only one forever, I want to give you everything ive got, you deserve all of me, youre such a strong girl and I'm so proud of you. Keep going my pretty girl, one last push and we'll be back together, forever, until our last breath. I love you so much my words can't describe. I love you so much.

Oh, I found something on insta that literally describes my feelings towards you, I know you can't see it now but I've sent it to you. I also sent a lot of other stuff because it made me think of you, but I already think of you all the time so anyways, I love you so much baby, I know you can do it, if you have fear borrow my strenght and faith. I love you so much

Hi my love. I just wanted to tell you how proud I am of you again, and I love you so much. Your anger is valid towards your parents, and I know you fear your own father.. And I am so sorry you have to fear him, this is not how its supposed to be, and it makes me sick to my stomach that he made you feel this much fear just because YOU LOVE someone.. It's an understatement when I say it's making me angry, but I am patient and I have faith in you, my soul knows things that I do not yet. I don't know if I should also pre-prepare a text for you when you do reach out to me, because I don't know if I'll be able to find words whilst im crying out of pure joy and happiness that I get to talk to you again, so I might have to prepare something, just like you. You're the best thing happened in my life, the first best thing is I get to love you, and the second is that I found you, I am actually the luckiest alive because even when we're apart, I feel your love and even in the darkest days in this hell I get to feel safe, and thank you for not giving up, thank you for still loving me and trying your best to overcome your fear, I believe in you so much I can't even explain it to you, I'll never give up on you, I'm holding your hands every day and supporting you and I know you can feel me, your soul can feel me. I love you so much, keep pushing a bit more baby youre my precious angel and you make me feel like I'm in heaven, it does not make sense living without you, I don't think I would be able to, you mean everything to me, I'm still here, supporting you, loving you, and waiting, and I'll do all of these today, tomorrow, the day after, and I could go on. I love you and miss you so much, I'll be here my love, I'm not going anywhere. I hope to talk to you soon.

Good morning baby. I hope you could sleep some, I love you so much and your missing presence is getting harder to bear. I don't know what is going through your head that you changed back your profile to almost identical when I met you, but I don't think its because you're over me and forgotten me, my heart says its the exact opposite, because why would you set a picture of yourself especially one that you made for me.. I really hope that soon, I mean really soon, you build up the courage and strength needed to send me that message, and I know you can do it, I love you so much, and love always prevails over anything, especially a love like ours, and I'm blessed that I can love someone as much as I love you, its just so hard to go on or do anything without you.. And I miss you.. You mean everything to me and you matter the most, I want a future with full of laughs, love, dancing in the rain or the kitchen, I want every memory of mine with you, even though a lifetime wouldn't be enough for me to love you, I would search for you every lifetime, every place that I go to after my last breath, and I would find you because I would never give up searching for you. If it was a random love story You and I wouldn't be feeling this way, the feeling of missing and loving you would've faded a few days later, but it haven't gone anywhere, it just gotten stronger and stronger, I can't imagine my life without you anymore, I don't even want to.. I'm not going to give up on you, I'm your number one fan, your supporter, your lover, I'll do my best to make you the happiest girl alive. I'm waiting for your text Salma, I love you so much

Hi baby, I miss you so much, my soul really aches for your presence. I love you so much I can't put it in words, and I know you're scared and it's okay, we'll figure it out together, I'll never let go of your hands Salma, you mean the world to me and you would make me the happiest man alive if you would text me soon, I wanna be with you.. I wanna play with you again, I want to hear your voice again, I want to hear your laugh again, I want to be silly with you again, I want to do everything with you and not being able to is making me so sad, but the thought of you brings me so much joy and it makes me strong, but when reality hits that we can not talk right now, it's so saddening, but I'm a 100% positive that you will come back to me, because you're my other half, and you will find the strength and courage to do so, my whole family is supporting us and praying, that everything will be alright. I can't even talk to you but my love only deepens for you, and it's a bit scary but I feel so lucky to love you, and I'll never let you go Salma, I'll hold your hands and love you in good and bad, in stroms or calms, when you don't feel strong enough I will let you take my strength and help you through everything, you really mean the world to me and it doesn't make sense without you, this world is black and white without you being in it. You make my world more vibrant, colorful, and it seems like its full of life, You make me feel like I'm full of life, everything makes sense, even the bad things couldn't stop me from anything, loving you is what my soul choose, not me, from the start I've met you, my soul already knew you, and it surely did, because you make me feels ways i've never felt before, and youre my sunshine, my angel, my future wife, my only one love, I belong to you, for eternity. I love you so much Salma and I'm waiting for you, my love, I know you can do it, you're strong, you're amazing, you're the best, i'm your number one fan, and I know we will get through this, soon, really soon we will be together again, laughing, and me loving you to the point that you can't stop smiling, I really want to hug you right now and just hold you tightly but gently until you fall asleep in my arms and you feel the safest in my arms, I would rub your back, pat your head gently, give you forehead kisses, and just take care of you forever. We would watch the night sky, but the moon would be jealous of you because you make the darkness more bright, the stars would feel less beautiful, because you are the most beautiful angel I've ever seen, I would make sure that you feel loved and safe every day, I would love you so much i might actually think that I would be annoying you, I would give you so much kisses until you melt, give you massages, rub your tummy when youre on your period, make sure that you feel as comfortable as possible, play with your hair, make food with you, eat with you, watch movies and shows with you, I want to do everything with you in this life, and even after, when we reunite in heaven, we would continue loving each other, because an eternity wouldn't be enough to be with you and love you. I'm actually so deeply in love with you and I wouldn't want it any other way, I know its painful that we're going through this, and it'll leave scars. But I'll kiss all the scars on you and still think that you're beautiful, because I love you for you, and it will never change, my love will only grow and deepen for you, my soul wants you so badly.. I love you so much Salma, and I'm waiting for you, you'll get through soon because I know that love always finds a way, and you're amazing, my angel, my only one

Hi baby.. I don't know what to type in these notes anymore for you, I've been almost repeating myself for 10 days straight.. I just miss you so much and I crave your presence.. Your voice, your laugh, your text, your jokes, your cuteness, everything.. My soul is aching so hard because we're seperated, and the only thing my soul wants is you, I mean, we have the connection, we just cant talk, but that aches it enough so that i feel like im in agony. I'm trying my best for you so you feel a bit better, and I hope its working. You mean the world to me, and you're my everything, I love you so deeply and feel connected to you that it's a bit scary but I'm getting used to it, I'm never letting you go Salma, not in a million years, I know we can get through this, trust in us baby, be brave, you, yourself know that you can do it. Just one message, and we can figure it out, we have help, lots of help. More brains are better to figure something out, especially if one brain knows what we're going thru, and that is my sister. Same thing with her fiancee, dad is a jork, seperated for 2 weeks. Please Salma, let them help us. I love you so much Salma, I love you so much.

Hi Salma, my everything. I feel like I should write this even though it's probably just me, repeating himself, but it doesn't matter. You are everything in my life, my joy, my calm, my happy place, you feel like home, even though we're apart, I can feel you touching my soul and heart every day, and I fall more deeply in love with you despite us being seperated. You actually don't know how much you mean to me, but if one day the moon whispers your name, it will be because I talked to her about you every night, and the moon is probably jealous of you, because you light up the darkness more, and I don't need no light to see you shine, you shine even in complete darkness, you're my light at the end of a tunnel, you're more beautiful, more amazing than a starry night, you're the definition of perfection. I love you so much I can't put it into words, and you make me feel like I can do anything, and everything makes sense, you make me feel so powerful, you make me so calm, I have no bad thoughts when I'm with you, what you do to me is amazing and it's like magic, you're magical. And I'm so proud of you my pretty girl, you're strong, brave, amazing, and the sweetest to exist in this world. I would do anything for you, when I'm with you I feel like I can move mountains, and I would move mountains to be with you, to make you happy, I wouldn't let you feel sad whenever you're with me, I want to make you the happiest girl alive, and I feel so lucky to love you this deeply, I wasn't even searching for someone to love, you just came and we recognized each other, and I don't want it any other way than eternity. I know you can do it, you're such a strong girl, I believe in you, I have my full faith in you, because I feel deep inside just how badly you want to text me again, and be with me again, and I feel the same way, I really want to be with you again, and this feeling will not pass, not this lifetime, nor the next. I will search in every lifetime for you, and I would walk this same path again if it meant that I get to be with you, I would do it even though it would be painful, but you're worth everything to me. I love you so much Salma, my heart belongs to you and every heartbeat is for you, and this feeling will never pass, I love you too much and you are my precious angel. My sweet home, my precious future wife, my calm in the storm, my love, my everything. I can't even find the words anymore to describe it, but I know you can feel it, I want to hug you so badly right now and hold you tightly and just tell you that everything will be okay, pat your head and give you kisses and talk to you more about how are we going to get through this, how I will stand beside you in every hardship, and give you all of my love that exists inside me, and for you it would never run out, even in the silence I feel your warmth and your love, and it makes me feel at ease, and you make the wait worth, and I'll keep waiting for my pretty girl, because I just know that you'll be back soon, you're my precious pretty angel afterall, and even in 10 days of silence, you still mean everything to me, and I feel the same way for you, or more. I'm so positive that we'll get through this, just don't give up, my love. Trust in us, and trust in our bond, that invisible thread that connects us, and everything will be fine. And you don't have to be scared by my reaction, I would cry tears of joy if you texted me and I could read your messages again, I would be the happiest man alive, I would jump around like a little child out of joy, I really can't describe it how happy I would be, and we would figure out the rest, and we have help from people to help us figure this out, as I said, my sister went thru the same with her fiancee, and she would gladly help, because she knows how much I actually love you and how much you mean to me. I can't wait for the day where I can hear your voice, laughter, your kisses, you getting flustered over things I say, your cute way of speaking, playing with you, and waiting for my end of the day to be with you, I really really love you so much. Text me soon, okay? I trust you and I love you so much. Take care until then Salma, I love you so much.

Hi baby, this is my 3rd message today because I feel like I should write again. It pains me that I don't know how you are, and what are you up to, but I know that you have no mood for anything, and you just feel like laying down. You probably can't really focus on your studys, and probably don't feel like gaming. I feel the same my love, I can't focus on any game I play, I can't focus when I'm writing code, you're in my head constantly and the feeling of missing you pains my soul. I love you so much Salma and I want to be with you so badly.. You're my everything and I know that you will pull through soon and send that message to me that you've been writing, and I know you're scared and I'm sorry.. I should have never agreed to the collab baby we would still be laughing together and talking, im so sorry i agreed, im so sorry i made you feel scared and that this happened, i was just so happy to collab with you i didnt even think about your cousin snitching on you to your dad.. I'm terribly sorry.. I want to make you the happiest girl alive but I can't do that if you close doors out of fear Salma, I'm trying my best even now, after 10 days to keep you protected and loved, so you feel safe enough to reach out to me.. You're my everything.. I want to play with you again so badly that I don't even enjoy the game anymore, it just doesn't feel the same. When I'm writing code I can't even focus because all I can focus on is you, how much I love you, and how positive I am that we will get through this together, I'll keep holding your hands even after you come back to me, I know you can do it baby, you're stronger than you realize, I crave your voice so badly, I just wanna hear you speak to me again, I want to hear your laugh again, you calling me cute nicknames and saying cute stuff, I want all of you, I miss you so much... I really miss you so much... And I'm sorry... I'm sorry that my decision is the reason that we're in this state... I love you so much Salma and it will never change, my soul wants you by my side so badly again, but we need no words to know how much we actually love and miss each other, me and you, can feel it. I'm waiting for your text pretty girl, my precious angel, my good girl who's strong and brave, but has to be a tiny bit more braver. I'm really waiting for you, I love you so much, I love you.

Good morning baby, I've managed to sleep like 2 hours.. I hope that you took care of yourself the night, and now you're resting. You need to rest so you can get enough courage and strength to send me the message you've been writing for the past days. I know you can do it, you're my good girl afterall, and you're stronger and braver than you think, I love you so much Salma, I trust in us and I know we can do it together, I've never let go of your hands and I know it makes you feel a bit at ease, I want to hug you so badly and tell you that everything will be okay, that we will be okay, and we can talk soon again, and continue where we left off, making each other the happiest beings in the universe, one lifetime wouldn't be enough to love you and give you the love you deserve, but I'm trying my best for you, and I know you're trying your best as well. I don't need a perfect version of you, I want you with all your flaws, scars, everything, I love you for you, and nothing can change that, not a bit of distance, not the silence, and not God, no one can change that. I love you so much Salma and I know you can do it, you're so close to actually doing it and getting through, I can feel it. I'm really looking forward to playing with you again, laughing with you again, smiling non-stop because you make me that happy with only your presence, writing cute texts while you're asleep, calling you my pretty girl and good girl, you're perfect for me just the way you are, and I love you so much. I feel so lucky to love someone like you, and I'm blessed with you, I'm never letting you go, I have no reason to let you go. I want to spend forever with you, I could never get bored of you, I could be talking to you 24/7 and looking into your eyes 24/7 and I would never get bored, you're so beautiful and I love you so much, everything about you is perfect for me. I'm waiting for you, my love. I love you so much Salma, I love you so much.

Hi baby, I love you so much. I napped for like 4 hours and I still feel tired:( I would give anything to hug you right now and hold you tightly to me and tell you that everything is going to be okay, that we'll be okay, so you need not to worry, I'm not going anywhere, and I still love you, and I love you more deeply each passing day, and I don't think anything can change that. I love you so much Salma, you're my peace, my heaven, my everything, you give sense to the chaos, and you make the world feel more vibrant, and safer. You make it more vibrant just by being in it, I could not ask for anything else better but you, because in this world, there's no one else better for me than you, you're my other half, my moon, my sun, my wife. I love you so deeply I can't even find the words sometimes, yet I feel like it's mandatory for me to write these love letters for you. I can't wait for the days when I wake up next to you, when I can make you breakfast in bed, making your favorite, making you feel safe while you fall asleep in my arms and I whisper sweet nothings into your ears, to take care of you, dance in the rain with you, make you the happiest girl alive, you deserve everything that I have to offer, I could never love someone like the way I love you. You're different, different in a way that I look at other people, it feels like I've been searching for you all my life, and finally found you. I know your text will come through soon, because you're stronger, and braver than you think, and love always finds a way, it always does. And I will never give up on you, I'll hold your hands in good and bad, be it anything, you'll never have to face it alone. You don't have to face anything alone, I love you so much Salma, and it'll never change, my love for you can never run out, its infinite, just like I want us to be infinite and search for you every lifetime. You're my precious angel and I would do anything to protect you, I know you will get through soon, just a little push, I'm here, waiting, and I'm not going anywhere. I love you so much and I cant wait to hear that sweet voice of yours, that cute laugh, to play with the best valorant player ive ever played with, to watch anime with you, to text you all day, to say good morning and good night every day again, to tease you, to give you kisses, to talk to you, I really can't wait to do everything again with you. I would be the happiest guy alive if you were here now, I would jump around out of joy like a child when they recieve a present, be as happy when they get ice cream from the ice cream truck, I would be like careless child just happy jumping around, and I would probably cry out of joy as well. I'm waiting for you Salma, I love you so so so so much

Hi baby.. I miss you really much, my soul is aching for your presence more and more each day that passes.. I saw you finally got up from bed and played some valorant, and you did so well, im proud of you, you're the best. But I overthinked a bit that you played with others from where we met, but I know its no biggie, because you love me, and I love you, and you don't really have anyone to vent to. I really hope that you find the bravery and strength to reach out soon, because I want to continue loving you every day until death tears us apart, but even after then I would search for you in heaven or in my next life, and continue there. You're my everything and I don't want it to be anyone else, I can't love anyone else like I love you, I can't look at anyone else like I look at you, you're my everything, my world, my only one. You're so precious to me and I would do anything to talk to you again.. My love for you did not fade away not even slightly, it just grows more and more, and it pains me so much that I can't do anything.. And I'm getting pretty tired, not of the waiting, not of you, not of the silence. Its just like my soul and heart is pained and its tiring to stay strong, but I have to be, so you can be strong as well, you're my pretty girl, my precious angel, I love you so much Salma, I say it everyday in my head at least a 1000 times if not more.. I love you so much and its so sad that I can't directly tell you at the moment.. I hope that you'll come back home soon, I'm waiting for you, and I'll be waiting for you, I'm not going anywhere, I'll keep loving you. Come home soon baby, I miss you so much and I love you

Hi baby.. This is the 13th day, and I hope the wait is over soon, because I miss you terribly, and I want to continue giving all of my love to you. I want to hear your voice again so badly, your voice makes me so calm but excited at the same time, I love your voice. I want to play with you again, you're so good at everything you do, and gaming doesn't feel the same without you. I want to text with you again, I love reading your cute texts and I love how you can make me feel your love even through it. I love it when you give me butterflies, and I love giving you butterflies as well, just the thought of you gives me butterflies. I love your eyes, they're so captivating and if I had to stare into them for the rest of my life, I would not get bored for a second, your eyes are gorgeous. I love your lips, I could kiss them all day and never get tired of it. Your hair is magnificent, it suits you so well and you look adorable and gorgeous. Your face is so pretty my eyes can't even believe it, you're so beautiful, I could not get bored of you even if I tried. Your whole existence is amazing, and I'm so lucky to love someone like you. My eyes are only for you, my heart and soul belongs to you. You're the first person to make me this happy, and even in the silence I can feel your love, and i'd choose you over any noise. You being with me just gives sense to everything, this cruel world doesn't seem so cruel anymore, colors are more vibrant, even the small things I've never really paid attention to seem beautiful. Life is beautiful with you, and I would not want it any other way, just with You. I love you so much Salma that sometimes I don't even know where to put this much love while we can't speak, but I hope you can feel my love for you every single day while we're apart. I keep telling everyone that I am taken, and my heart is only for my princess, because it feels like you've never left my side, and its true, I feel your hands in mine, and I hope you can feel mine in yours. My soul aches for your presence more and more but I'm still positive and I'm not giving up, I'm not letting you go, I'll keep waiting, because I know that you will reach out, because this bond we have is really rare, and I could not forget you even if I tried, I could not stop loving you even if I forced myself to. You're the best thing that happened in my life, and even though we have to go through a hard time like this, this early, and still not giving up just shows that we're meant to be. If it was any other relationship Me and You both wouldve forgotten each other in less than a week, but our minds still are about each other, non-stop. I can not stop thinking about you, about how much I love you and miss you, and I know we're going to be okay, I know we can do it, you're stronger and braver than you think, just a little push and it would be so much easier for the both of us, I don't want you to suffer without me anymore, and I'm suffering as well, but we could ease up on the pain if you were actually with me, not just in soul, but actually speaking to each other. This 13 days felt like I was living in Hell, but the thought of you and the feeling that you still love me so deeply made it bearable, I miss you so much. I really want to pull you in gently by your waist and hug you tightly until you feel safe and melt in my arms, I would kiss your forehead and pat your head and tell you that we're going to be okay and we can love each other again, I would give you everything I've got and I would never run out because a lifetime wouldn't be enough to give you all my love, and I'd do it all again, all the pain, all the losses, all the hardships, all the storms, I'd do everything all again if I knew you were waiting at the end, you are worth it, you are worth everything, to love you is the purpose of my whole existence, and you deserve all of it, I love you so much Salma. I love you so much. I love everything about you, genuinely everything. I don't think you could show me anything that I would not love about you, you're perfect for me, you're enough for me. I really hope that our reunion day is soon upon us, maybe today, or tomorrow, who knows? Maybe my soul does, but I hope it's really, really soon, so I can continue loving you. And it's actually crazy that I've fallen more deeply in love with you, even in the silence, you're magical, you're my precious angel, I love you so deeply I can't even explain. I'm waiting for you, my love; and I'm not going anywhere my pretty girl, forever yours. If you could see yourself thru my eyes, you would know how much you mean to me, and how amazing I think you are, you were made for me, and I was made for loving you. I promise you again, that I will never let go of your hands, let it be good or bad, you have my full support and I'll be here for you in any situation, and we'll face any challenge together, and with our unbreakable bond, and love, we can get through anything. You're the most precious person in my life, theres no other timeline, or life where I wouldn't choose you, You are the one my soul was always looking for. If someone told me that my memory will be wiped, but I get to keep one memory, it would be You, only You, and I would still be the happiest person alive, because it makes no sense to live in a world where I can not love You. You're the one I can call home, you're my calm and anchor in the storms, you make my world more vibrant, you are the light that shines through even the most darkest places and guides me thru it. I'll choose You now, tomorrow, 10 years later, forever, I would travel the Cosmic Sea to the end just to be with you, you're my everything, I want to take care of you, make you the happiest alive, love you for eternity, be there for you, dance in the kitchen, in the rain, buy you snacks, plushies, cuddle you, play with your hair, kiss you all day, wrap my arms around you and let you fall asleep in my arms while i rub your back, I wanna do everything with you. And the more I think, the more I realize, that without you this world isn't meant for me, I exist to love you, to give you my all. I can't wait to recieve my favorite notifications again, a notification, a voice, a person, You, who feel like home. I love you so much Salma and my feelings will never change for you. You don't have to do anything alone, you have me, I trust you, and I believe in you, you're the best thing that ever happened to me, I love you so much baby.. I can't imagine to be with anyone else but you, you're the one my soul and heart choosen, you basically stole it from me, and I'm glad you did, because I couldn't be more luckier. I hope this phase is over soon and we can continue where we left off, and heal each other from this nightmare, being seperated from you is like living in hell, but I can feel your soul touching mine, so it's a bit more bearable, but it's hard, really hard. Hard, because I know you're suffering as well, and I can't really do anything to ease your pain, it's just our souls and hearts speaking to each other, which we may not understand fully, but I do know that I feel you, I feel your love, that you're not willing to give up, but I also feel that you're hurting deeply, and we miss each other terribly.. Nothing feels the same without you, my love, even breathing is different without you, nothing is really enjoyable, I can't get you off my mind for 5 minutes, maybe I said too much with 5, I really hope we can be together again soon, and we can continue loving each other, I know you can do it Salma, you're stronger and braver than you think, I believe in you, I trust in you. And I know you trust and believe in me and us as well, and I know you're scared, it's okay to be scared, but you also know you're not alone in this because I've promised you that I'll never let go of your hands, and I'll be by your side no matter what. I love you so so so so much sometimes it pains me how much I love you and I can not really give it to you at the moment. I just wish and pray to God, that you overcome this fear, and reach out, because it would be much easier for the both of us, I pray that God lets you borrow my strength, that you find the courage. I know you're really close to it, and I'll keep believing and trusting you and cheering you until my last breath, you're my everything Salma and I love you so much. Come home soon, your pretty boy is waiting for you to give you all his love and kiss all your scars and tell you that you're beautiful and you're enough just the way you are. I love you so much baby, talk to you soon. I just feel like I need to keep going with this message, so I will. I can't even imagine my reaction when we meet IRL, I would probably be perma blushing and I would keep looking at you, my eyes probably wouldn't believe that such a beauty like you can exist in this world, I would be actually so flustered by your presence.. But I would hold your hand so you feel safe everywhere we go, and if we go to a place and you start feeling uncomfortable, or anytime you feel uncomfortable anywhere, we would leave without hesitation. There's a tropicarium in Budapest, I would definitely bring you there, it can get a bit crowded so I would hold your hands and not let go of it, I was there once btw and it was a cool experience. We could also go to CyberJump, its like a trampuline park, would be fun. And also there's Margit-Sziget (Margit Island), a great place for a picnic, but I've never been there so I would be a bit lost.. There's so much things I want to do with you when we get the chance to, so we can get great memories together, but honestly, even if we did nothing, and just layed in bed cuddling, that would also count as a great memory, anything we would do, even if its like small, you would make it extraordinary, even just looking at you would feel like that. You're so special to me I can't even really put it into words, its like, I know I've said it already, but it, rather you feel like you're the one I've been looking for, and I don't think it is our first time together, I think I found you in every life I had already, and I'm so blessed to be able to say this, you're a blessing to me, and I love you with everything I've got. You mean everything to me, Salma. I hope I can talk to you soon, I love you so much. Come home soon.. Please..

Hi my love, after yesterday's letter I don't really know if I can tell you anything new, but it just feels right to keep writing you these. But I would be more happy if I didn't have to write these in my notes, but directly to you. Anyways you probably read through all of them on this website that I've made for you out of pure love. It just feels like that I don't have to write these in my notes anymore, because I feel like you're coming home soon, and if you're reading this, that means you've already found your way back. and we're probably both crying as you read through everything. 15 days apart, well technically its still the 14th day, in 14 hours it will be the 15th. But it didn't really feel like 15 days, because I felt your soul next to mine every single day, and it was like you never left. What I learned in these 15 days, that You mean the whole world to me, and a world without You isn't meant for me. Every blood cell, every nerve, every vein, every bone in me loves you to its fullest capacity, and I will keep loving you until I lose my conscience in the Cosmic Sea. And even tho this might not be my last letter like this, I would be still happy to keep you writing these until my fingers bleed. I love You so much Salma, you're more than enough for me, I love you just the way you are. How could I look at any other girl, when you stole my sight? How could I love anyone else, when the sole purpose of my existence is to love You? And everytime I think of you, everytime I wake up, everytime I look at your picture, I fall more and more in love with you. When this is over, I want to introduce you to my Mom and sister, they're really praying and hoping for us, maybe I would've gone mad already without them, they helped me a lot, they will help us a lot in the future, they're really sweet people. My Mom just wants us to be happy and wants our suffering without each other to stop. She's the sweetest. But you're sweeter, my love, and I couldn't wish for anything else but You. You're my sunshine, the one who gives sense to everything, the one who makes me feel like I am alive. You're the most precious person in my life, you're worth every pain, every tear that dropped from my eyes, every sleepless night, every heartbeat, you're worth everything to me, and if I had to chance to revert time, and I would remember You, I would walk the same path again, with every pain, every loss, every tear, every hard time if it leads back to you, I would do it all again, without hesitation. There's nothing and no one in this world who can stop me from loving You and giving You everything I've got, because without you it doesn't make sense. You can always rely on me if things get hard, I'll never let go of your hands, I'll never stop being your number 1 fan, I'll never stop loving you, and I'll never ever give up on you. I believe in you my pretty girl, I trust you, and I'm so proud of you, you're so strong and you're amazing. I would choose you over and over again, every single day, every lifetime, I would choose You. If you'd ask me how many times you come to my mind, I would say once, because you never left it, you occupy my mind all day, you're my first thought when I wake up, and its just "I love you Salma" this is my very first thought every time I wake up, and it continues until I fall asleep, but even in my sleep I probably think about you, my pretty girl fully occupies my mind, and I love it, I don't really wanna think about anything else anyways. I played Valorant as well to try and relax and occupy my mind for a bit, but it never worked, all I was thinking about is you, I hit some nice clips though, can't wait to show them to you. I love you so much Salma, I can't say it enough that I love you so much, you're genuinely the best thing that ever happened to me. I love you so much, and it will never change, you're the love of my life, actually, probably the love I keep coming back to in every lifetime. I want to hug you so badly right now and look deeply in your eyes and get lost in them and tell you how much I love you and then kiss you until I can't think straight and hold you tightly and make you feel loved so deeply.. You really are everything to me. I love you so much. Since I know you'll be reading every single letter, I'm trying not to repeat myself too many times, but it's a bit hard to come up with new ways to tell you how much you mean to me, how much I miss you, and how much I love you. If you were here right now, I would be cuddling you and I would gently pat your head while you're resting your head on my chest, and I would keep holding you until you wake up, I might even fall asleep aswell. I really want to take care of you.. We would take a bath or shower together, I would wash your back, your hair, and after I would dry it and brush it, it would feel so amazing to take care of you, I would love every single second of it.. If I would happen to wake up earlier, I would cuddle you for who knows how long, and after I would get up while making sure I don't wake you up accidentaly, and I would make breakfast for you, and we would eat it together in bed, we could watch a video while doing that or something. I am the most blessed alive by being able to love you the way I do, I never knew I was capable of loving someone this much, I never knew I could be so obsessed with someone, but you showed me that I am very capable of it, and you taught me how to fly, because whenever I am with you, I feel like I am in Heaven, I love you so much my precious angel. I love you more than I can put into words, but if you were here, you would exactly know how much I do, but maybe your soul knows and feels it. Pouring my heart into these notes for you to read soon, and holding onto my faith that you can do it, trusting you and believing you, is genuinely the purest thing I can do at the moment, to love you this way. And I have to do it because if I don't put this love somewhere I would lowkey go insane, that is how much I love you, and I hope you can feel it even when you're reading this. I belong to you fully, my heart, my mind, my soul, all of me belongs to you, and I'm genuinely happy to belong to you, I couldn't be more blessed to be able to love you and give everything to you. You'll always have a hand to hold, arms to fall into when everything feels too heavy, my love for you is so pure and genuine I love you so much Salma, I love you so much. You mean the world to me. I really hope to hear your voice soon, and laugh with you again, play with you again, and do everything again with you. I love you so much. If this is my last letter before you come back, thanks for reading it love, I hope you didn't cry much while reading it. I love you so much Salma.

Hello baby. Well, the last one wasn't the last letter I've made for you. Sorry about that, I just need to speak my mind and feelings for you. I love you so much and you mean everything to me, and I trust you and believe in you. But for some reason everytime I see you play with someone from where we met, my mind just starts racing, and I don't know how to stop it.. It just keeps asking me questions, and I don't fucking know how to stop it.. I'm so angry at myself because I let myself overthink like this.. My fucking brain keeps asking me if you're looking for someone else, or are you over me, and I'm so fucking done with these thoughts, I just want to make it stop, I don't know why my brain does this when this happens.. Probably because my heart also start racing a bit when I see you online there.. And I don't know what to do to stop it.. I don't want to feel this way because I trust you and believe in you and I love you so much and I guess my heart just shrinks because others get to play with you but I don't.. I want to play with you again... I want to hear your voice... I could cry rivers now and I'm actually crying while typing this because I am so exhausted and I'm trying to be so strong for my pretty girl but I can't really keep it together when my mind fucks me over like this and my inner demons come out to make me fucking overthink everything, im so mad at myself, im in so much pain as im writing this.. I just want to be with you, is that really much to ask for? I've been consistently writing these notes for the past 15 days, 22 letters and counting, I've done so much for you to keep you feel loved, and I know you're scared and you have fear inside you, and I know you want to break free from it, and I support you fully and I believe in you and I love you so much.. But I don't know what to do anymore baby, not when my mind keeps overthinking every single detail even when I tell myself thats NOT the case, it just keeps doing it and no matter how much I try to ignore it, no matter how much I tell myself thats not the case, I fucking can't, I genuinely fucking can't.. The only one person who can make it stop is You, but we know the issue with that, I'm blocked. I'm sorry that you have to read through my pain, but I need to let it out. I'm so fucking devastated from your missing presence, every time I cry my chest hurts so much its like my soul is trying to keep itself together and it barely does. I've been patiently waiting for You for 15 days, consistently, not a single bad thought, just faith, trust, and love, and I'll keep doing it, because a world without you isn't meant for me. I'm just so lost.. I've made this website for you, I'm trying to be positive for you, genuinely waiting for you so much that I can't even sit still, nothing feels the same without you, not even breathing is the same.. I could paint the world in a crimson blaze if it meant that I can be with you right at this moment.. I'm so sorry for overthinking, I'm sorry for trying my best and still failing... I just don't know what to do anymore without you.. I'm trying to go on every single day with positivity, but some days I just fall apart, this is the second day in a row where I fall apart, and I'm so sorry.. I was genuinely in a good mood 5 hours earlier, and now I'm in this state.. When I overthink the same fucking questions come back, and I cant make it stop.. One of the most frequent questions in my head are; Are you trying to get over me? And I know it's not true because if you were trying I wouldnt feel you this close to me every single day. I know that you want to come back to me, I know you love me so much, I know you miss me terribly.. And even tho I know these, my mind can't fucking shut up.. Tell me, baby, how do I stop it? How can a fucking idiotic question get through the shouting of my heart and soul that says I love you so much, how can it take over me? I'm really this bad? And here comes the questions again.. I'm not even going to write it down.. Alright.. I'm sorry that this wasn't a love letter where I pour my love into it, it was more like "Hey, I'm not fine, even tho I show that" type letter.. I'm fighting so hard for you, my pretty girl, but sometimes I feel lost.. And if I actually put this letter on the website I made for you, I'm sorry that you had to read my suffering, when I should be staying strong for You. But alas I'm feeling better after letting it out from me, I love you so much Salma, and I miss you terribly and I know you playing is just trying to relax and you don't wanna do it alone because thats not going to give you strength. Despite everything, it's still you, I believe in you, I have my full faith in you, I love you so much, and I can't wait to hear your voice again, and make each other feel loved again.. I love you so much..

Day 16... I can't even find words to explain how much I miss you and crave your presence and voice.. It's like my chest hurts and I'm really trying to be positive but eventually I can run out of strength too.. I've been trying to be so strong for you over the past 16 days, I'm being faithful, loyal, I'm trusting you, believing you, loving you, but it's so hard to keep this up, missing you is genuinely almost tearing me apart inside, I want to hear your voice so badly, i want to love you so badly... Even though I feel like shit for the past 24 hours, I'm not giving up on you, I never will.. You're everything to me, you mean the world to me, and I'll keep waiting.. It's one of those days when words just doesn't come.. I just want to be happy next to you, is that too much to ask for? I know you're scared of your father, but this can't keep going forever baby, me and you are both suffering.. I want to hug you so badly and tell you that everything is going to be okay, i want to tell you that but I can not and it's making me miserable, I was managing so good for the past 16 days but eventually I run out of strength as well when everything gets too heavy.. And its really weighing on me right now, my mind is filled with you, about how badly I want to be with you and I love you so much, it's been on repeat since I woke up 12 hours ago, and it's making my heart so heavy.. Crying does not really help either, playing this shit game doesn't help either.. I can't turn off my mind, I can't relax all I think about is you.. I have no mood to do anything, I dont have apetite, I dont have any mood to do anything, but I can't lay in bed all day because that is not going to give you strength, but it's so hard for me to do anything while knowing that I can't directly talk to you.. And it's getting harder each day, but I'm not losing my hope and faith, I trust you and I believe in you.. I love you so much Salma, and you mean the world to me, you're everything that I was looking for, you're perfect for me, you're enough, I love you the way you are, You could show me everything that is bad about you and I would still love you and kiss every flaw of yours just so you know you're really enough the way you are, and I love you so much.. There's no one else in this world who could make me feel the way I feel about you, no soul in this existence could captivate me like yours did, you stole my heart, my soul, my sight, my mind, because every single cell in my body is crying for your presence.. Nothing is the same without you, it will never be, because you made the world more brighter, more vibrant, more colorful, you gave sense to things that didn't make sense, you're my calm, my joy, my life, you mean everything to me.. I want to show you this website really badly, to show you just how much you mean to me, how much I love you and care for you, that even in the silence I keep choosing you every single day, and I'd keep choosing you over any noise, and despite everything it's still you.. It's still you, if it wasn't you my soul would not be aching for you this badly.. Hell is living without you, Heaven is living with you, there's no in between, there never will be, because a world, where I can't love you just doesn't make sense and it is not meant for me. You ignited something in me that not even me, God, or anything can extenguish.. I love you so much Salma, I love you so much.. You feel like home, you're the person I will keep choosing over and over again, every single day, you're more beautiful than a field full of flowers, more beautiful than the Moon herself, and even the Moon is jealous of your beauty. You are the love of my life, everytime I hear your name I smile, everytime I look at you and smile, everytime I think about you I smile, I love you so much, but when reality hits that we're seperated in a way none of us wanted, it just breaks my heart.. I only pray to God to give you strength and courage, to take away your fears, I don't pray for anything else but You, I don't even care about anything else.. I just want you back, I want to hear your voice, write love letters while you're sleeping and to read your response after you wake up, I want to call you my pretty girl and my good girl again, I want to give you kisses, I want to make you blush and give you butterflies again, I want to text you first thing after I wake up and end every day with a good night and cute texts with you, I want to do everything with you again.. I miss you so much, terribly, it feels like agony.. I was made for loving you, and you were made for me, and I still can't really believe that I found the one, the one whom my soul was always looking for, and I'm so blessed to have found you, and I'm never letting you go, not tomorrow, not a month later, never, I'll keep loving you for an eternity.. I know that our love, this bond, can get through everything that life throws at us, I just know it no matter how much time would pass, I would still feel the same about you, and nothing would feel the same, no matter how much time passes, I would still crave your voice, everything.. There's not a day, not a single second of any day where I wouldn't choose you, where I wouldn't love you. You're my everything Salma.. And I believe in you, I trust in you, I know you can do it, you're stronger and braver than you think, just a little push and you'll be home with me.. I miss you terribly, and I'm waiting for you.. I love you so much Salma.. I love you so much..

I just finished my last letter like an hour ago, but I want to keep writing for you, but the thing is that I don't know what to write anymore, I just need to put this love somewhere, somewhere that you will feel soon, into words, into letters, that only you will read, and knowing that it makes me happy to write these. I was genuinely holding it together for 14 Days, well, that's what I tell myself, but deep down I wasn't, I really wasn't. But I don't think there's a single person on this planet, who could hold it together after everything. And honestly? In my opinion, it's all worth it, you're worth it. Every single tear that dropped from my eyes, every pain that I am feeling because of missing you and not being able to talk to you. You're worth it, and I'll keep doing it, because it doesn't make sense not to. My soul and heart knows that genuinely you're the love of my life, as I said, I wasn't even searching for love, my soul just recognized you, and you ignited something inside of me that nothing can extinguish, my soul chose to love you, and it'll never let go of you. I'm sad beyond words, there's no words to explain my sadness, and I also am scared a bit, but I choose faith, love, and hope every single morning, because I trust and believe you more than you know, but by the time you reach this part of my letters, you will exactly know how much I love you and just how important you are in my life. I'll keep choosing you, I'll keep loving you, I'll keep my faith in you, even on days where I can't hold myself together, and honestly, I think there will be more days to come like that, to test my faith and my love, but I am not going to break, I will never give up on you. You will always have a place, a person to come home to, and I hope you do soon. I'll hold your hands for eternity, and I'll never let go of them, you'll always have arms to rest in when the world feels too heavy, a listening ear that will listen so happily to anything you have to say, even if you don't say a word, your presence just brings me so much joy its unbelievable. After all these days, all of my love put into words because I can't show it otherwise. After everything, I keep choosing you, and I actually think that magic might be real, because there's no way a person does this to me. I never ever thought that I have this much love inside of me, never thought I would be so unbreakable for one person, yet you showed me that I am very capable of amazing things, and I am genuinely so in love with you and I am so thankful for you, it is a blessing that I can love a girl like you, and I wouldn't want it any other way. Love doesn't know any distance, and the silence doesn't scare it away, that is when you know it is real, and my love, this is very real. I never knew that love like this could exist, and we're genuinely lucky to love each other like this, because only a few people on this planet experience a love like this in their lifetime here. I'm blessed, I am really blessed. Thank you Salma, I love you so so so so much, you're the only one I can think about, there's no one else on my mind, and I am happy this way. And, you know, it's weird, because I don't really feel lonely, because I feel like you've never left, that this situation never occurred, and it's probably because our souls are still next to one another, and they're connected, hugging each other, but it gets heavy when reality hits, and reality hits both of us. There's nothing I wish for more than to hear your voice again, to play with you again, to text you again, to make you happy again, to make you laugh again, to make you the happiest girl again, and keep doing it for the rest of my life, for the rest of my existence. I love you so much it's genuinely unbelievable, and I've said it many times, but I really can't believe that I got to be so blessed to love someone like this. You're my world, my everything. You're more beautiful, more brighter, than the starry-night sky with a full Moon, you're my light in the dark, you light it up so much that there's no darkness left, I feel so warm, so loved by you, and I am so thankful for you for showing me that I don't have to be perfect, that it's enough to be myself.. No one has ever let me feel this way, I was always obligated to change, I never felt like I was enough.. But you? You showed me that is not the case, that you feel the same way as I do. I love you so much Salma, I'm so blessed and thankful. I actually don't know what to say anymore, I am genuinely just repeating myself every letter, but I don't really feel like that is an issue, because loving you is what I exist for, what I was created for. I hope you know just how much you matter to me, and how much I miss you, but I think you might have an idea. I want to tell you this again; No matter what life throws at us, be it good or bad, heavy or easy, distance or no distance, I'll never leave your side, never let go of your hands, I'll love you through everything, even when we have a hard time, I'll keep loving you because that is what you deserve, that is who I am. And I'm so terribly frustrated that you have to fear your own father, I can't even imagine how you're holding up.. You probably want to text me really badly, push through your fear and reach out and send me that message.. And I would be the happiest alive if you actually did that, and I believe in that you can do it, you're the most amazing girl I've ever met, there's no one more amazing than you on this planet, no one who's more pure, more loving, more sweet, more beautiful, there's no one on this planet who can be compared to you, and never will be. I trust in you, I believe in you, I know you are really close to actually doing it, but fear takes over every time you set your mind on it, and I know it's frustrating, I know it's low-key depressing, and it's okay, you're human, and you're enough just the way you are. I love you so much Salma, I really really love you so so so so much. I've been enjoying writing these letters to you, and I don't know the reason behind it, I was never the type of person to write these, to pour love into paragraphs that expand over 16 days, I'm so thankful you showed this side of me, and I'll keep doing it, because I feel like I've finally found the true myself beside you, I am so blessed to have you in my life and love you the way I do, and to receive it back is the other biggest blessing in my life, because I know how much you love me because my soul can feel it, even if I don't understand it in my mind, my soul knows better. I love you Salma, and I hope you come home to me soon, I love you so much.

Day 16th, 3rd letter. I came up with an idea this morning to my mom, and I've asked; What if you join a server that she's in, and you try to message her? She was more than happy to help, because she couldn't look at me how sad I was anymore, and she couldn't take it that this was the 3rd day in a row where I cried myself. And so we drafted a message, I helped in it, my sister helped in it. And when it actually got through, I felt something in me, but it wasn't fear, I can't explain it, but I can't stop smiling for some reason. I hope that you feel warmth, and make you feel safe enough that you can actually overcome your fear. I really hope so. My heart and soul is unusually calm even after we sent the message, it's just my brain trying to tell me stuff that isn't true, and all I know is that I love you so much and I hope this is really over soon, that this is a turning point. After all we've done, after all of our pain, I know we can get through this, and that this will mark a new chapter in our never-ending story. I love you so much Salma, you're my pretty princess, my precious angel, you mean everything to me, you're the love of my life, the one person my soul can not forget in every lifetime it enters, the one I keep searching for, even if my mind forgot you from another existence. I love you so much and I am so happy to love you I genuinely can't explain it. I'm also so thankful for my mom, and sister for helping me every single day, without them I couldn't held myself together like I did in these 16 Days. I would've never lost hope and faith in you anyways, but they helped with it being a bit easier to bear. I really, really hope that message helps you fight your way through the fear, and makes that little push that is needed for you. You're my everything, I love you so much Salma. But I have to write down what's on my mind as well, because I feel like if I let it out, it will make it stop. So, this might be a bit dark. So, what is on my mind after sending that message, while writing it was; What if you just don't care anymore? What if, you don't want help? What if you're genuinely don't want to do anything with me anymore, and I've done all this for nothing, and what if I will never be able to do this, because I couldn't love anyone else like I love you, I couldn't write letters for 16 Days consistently in the silence for anyone else, I couldn't think about anyone else for 18 hours straight while I'm awake, I couldn't look at anyone like the way I look at you, I couldn't be myself if it wasn't for you, and I just know that nothing would be the same anymore, the world would be black and white, forever. And that is what is on my mind after sending that message, but honestly my heart and soul is louder than that, I love you so much Salma, and I hope I get to talk to you soon, because you mean everything to me, and sending that message gave me so much more hope that you can actually overcome your fears, and that we can be together again to love each other, maybe even more deeply than before, because of what we've went through, and no one can ever break this bond between us. I love you so much baby, I love you so much. The past 16 Days, I've been doing nothing but thinking about you, trusting you, having my full faith in you, believing you, loving you, and honestly even though I get dark thoughts sometimes, I think I'm doing great at it, and I hope it gives you strength, and all I've done wasn't for nothing. You're everything I've ever wished for, you make me feel alive, you make me feel ways no one can ever make me feel, you're the biggest blessing in my life, and I will do anything to be with you, I will NEVER give up on you, and I'll be by your side for an eternity, and it sounds so comforting.. An eternity with you, where I can look into those gorgeous eyes that could steal the Moon's beauty, that sweet voice of yours that makes me feel things every time you speak, that pretty face of yours that makes me blush every time I look at it, you're genuinely perfect and more than enough for me. I'm actually just repeating myself here, but I can't wait to be with you again, it means everything to me. To just love you, without conditions, because what conditions could I set when I've been loving you in 16 Days of silence? And I feel like this is the purest, genuine thing a person in love can do. Love your other half even in the distance and silence, that's the most genuine way of love, and as my mom's message wrote it, it isn't worth throwing away because of your parents. I love you so much Salma, I love you and again, I hope you can get through that small gap that is needed with this little message that my mom and sister wrote for you. I'm grateful that I have a supporting family like this, and you belong into our family, so it's not just me who gets this kind of support, you're deeply loved here as well because they respect our relationship, and they both know it's real, my mom and sister both have the same type of love like we do, an eternal love. And they understand me so well about how I feel, and when I tell them how much it doesn't make sense without you, and a world where I can't love you isn't meant for me, and breathing is not the same without you, nothing is. They don't ask questions, they don't doubt me, they know it's real, because they feel the same way about their other half, and genuinely that reassurance, that support is what keeps me standing on my own 2 feet, and of course, our love and my faith in you, they help out a lot though. And I just feel really bad that you've got betrayed by your own cousin, snitching on you that you have someone.. I genuinely can not possibly know how it feels, but I have a gut feeling.. And it honestly makes my blood boil, that this is the 2nd time that someone is trying to ruin us, it's like God is setting up trials for us just to test how true is what we have, and I'm not going to break, I will never break. Okay, overthinking wants to start again, but my heart and soul is louder at the moment as I'm writing this. And I've been also up since yesterday 20 or 21, I don't remember, and it's 11:53 at the moment, so I've been up for a little while, so it's harder to keep my brain a bit quiet with this stuff, and also it's a bit harder to write from the exhaustion, but I love to write you these, so I'll keep going. I can't repeat myself enough about how good I'm feeling about the message that my mom sent to you, and I really think this is a turning point, a turning point where everything goes back to how it was, because honestly in these 16 Days it felt like you've never left, and it didn't even feel like 16 days. I love you so much, my pretty girl. If this is really my last letter this way before you've reached out to any of us, thanks for reading it, it means a lot. I poured my heart and love out in the most genuine way I could in the time we were separated, and I hope you can feel every ounce of love in every word I've said. Honestly it's been quite the experience, and I'm glad it's over, and I'm happy that we're back together. If you're reading this we're probably in a call right now, and we're probably both crying our eyes out, and if that's the case then be it, tears of joy are better than tears of sadness. Well, I'm out of words and energy for today, I hope the next letter I write doesn't have to be in my Notes, or google docs, but directly in your chat message tab. I love you so much Salma, I love you so much, welcome home, my pretty girl, I'm so proud of you.

Hi baby. This is my 4th letter to you on Day 16. I went to sleep around 14 yesterday, and I woke up at 21, I played a few games with my friend Raven, he was one of my teammates when I was in a team, and if you were also stalking my tracker, DVL fejmi was also one of my teammates, both are good guys. Then I went to sleep around 1 in the night, because I was feeling a bit down, and I woke up at 4, still feeling down. I was hoping to see a message from you, either on my mom's end or mine, but it didn't happen and it's okay, I know you will come through, I know you can do it, and I love you so much. Anyways, since then I ate and I've been playing a bit of Valorant, but all I can think about is you, how much I love you, and I miss you, and that I can't wait to be with you again, and love you the way you deserve it. I also made some changes to the website, I've added cherry blossom petals falling down slowly, this whole website is built around you, all I can think about is if you would love it this way, or that way, you know, I've never once thought about how I would like it, because it's all for you. This morning I was overthinking a bit, but I'm regaining control pretty fast, because my faith and love for you is much bigger than some random overthinking while my whole body knows it is not true, not even slightly. I like to open this website and just scroll through it. It amazes me that I actually wrote this much, for one person, even in silence, my love never stopped or wavered, the faith never disappeared, the hope never got less. It is you who showed me this side of myself, who's capable of loving someone this much, who's capable of caring about someone this much, it is only you who unlocked this side of me and I'm genuinely amazed by it, you really are doing magic on me, and I love every single second of it. There's no change in my feelings, no doubts, that I love you so much and I still can't explain it in words, even after 26 letters, I still can't find the correct words to explain just how much I actually love you, and I don't think words will be enough for it to show you, I could say like really silly things like bring down the Moon for you, because if I could, I would, if I could, I would bring down every star for you and tell you that none can compare for your beauty inside and out, none. You're genuinely the best thing that ever happened to my life, and you are worth everything that happened, I'll never stop loving you, I'll never let go of your hands, you'll always have someone you can rely on, someone who waits you to come home every single day, someone who wants nothing but to give you everything, that someone is Me, and I'm all in for you, nothing will change my mind. I really love writing these letters for you, and I hope you loved every single second of reading them, and since I can't explain just how much you matter, how much I love you, how much I miss you, I'm just repeating myself and I feel like I've been repeating myself for the past 26 letters, and in my opinion, it's okay. Maybe it's just my overthinking that doesn't want me to repeat itself, because I know telling you everything, that I love you so much a 100,000 times wouldn't feel enough. And so I love you so much Salma, I hope you come home soon. I love you so much, Salma.

Day 16th 5th letter, because I just love you so deeply each passing minute, hour, day. And I keep thinking how could I actually tell you how deeply I am in love with you? And I realize it's impossible, there's no words that could explain my love for you, not a single language on this planet has the words needed to describe it. Japanese is a really beautiful language, maybe that could come close to it, just because the way Japanese people speak is beautiful, the language is beautiful, but not as beautiful as you. I think only my touch to your skin could genuinely explain the love I feel for you, my fingers running through your body, and as our skin presses against each other, and kissing every part of your body, maybe then you would feel my bursting love for you.. It's literally impossible to explain I could only show it to you, with my body. But maybe I don't even need to explain it, because your soul already knows just how deeply in love I am with you. I love you so much Salma, I can't say it enough, I really can't, I can't stop myself from saying it and I don't even want to. You're the only person I have ever belonged to, you're my future that I can see so clearly. Us waking up next to each other, me admiring your sleepy face and messy hair as you wake up and I would still think that you're most beautiful girl in this world, us watching shows on the couch or bed and just cuddling, loving each other with no words needed to be spoken, playing video games next to each other, and if we played valorant just giving each other a kiss after every round and cheering on the other, or just teasing them, or something more intimate :p I would be the happiest human alive with you next to me, even if we did nothing, even if we did everything. No matter what, all that would matter to me is that the love of my every lifetime, whom my soul searches for in every universe, is next to me. I can't even describe it, I really can't and I know I've been mostly repeating myself for the 28th letter now, but I just can say it enough, I can't find the words I want to find to describe my feelings for you. I could compare it to things, like when a supernova happens, that how my soul felt like, when they recognized each other. Or that you swallowed my heart and mind and soul like a black hole and you made me completely yours. You stole my eyesight and nothing can compare to your beauty, you stole my mind because anything that is in it is about you, my heart keeps on beating for you, every single beat, and I couldn't be more luckier that you did, I'm so blessed that you have "ruined" me. I want you so badly, in every way possible. I love every single version or you, even the ones you haven't showed me yet, and I will keep loving you no matter what, no matter what I'll always give you a 100% of my love, when I can and you need it I'll give 150%, hell, even 250%. I'll give you everything I have in me, because you are worthy of all of it, and you're the only one who gets to see this side of me, no one else. No one else could unlock this side of me. I didn't know I had this much faith in me, this much love and care, and I didn't know that love could be this beautiful, until you showed up, until our souls touched and recognized one another. I'm so happy that you're in my life Salma, even in the silence I can feel you very deeply, even in the silence I love you in ways I can't describe, even when the distance is this big, my love haven't wavered once for you, I love you so much baby, my pretty girl, my heaven sent angel, I am sure the way your beauty shines even the angels must feel jealous of you. And I'm so proud of you you're my good girl and you will always be. You're strong, you're brave, you're beautiful inside and out, you're so amazing and you're magical for me, perfect for me, I love you so much Salma, and your good boy has been waiting so patiently, so lovingly for you for the past 16 days, and I'll keep waiting, I'll keep being faithful and loyal to you, I don't need anyone else but you, and nothing will ever change that. I'm madly in love with you, and I'm so happy that this is the case. I hope the Moon herself whispered your name, because I talked a lot about you as I said. I love you so much, and I miss you terribly. I don't want to say that maybe this is my last letter again because who knows maybe 3 hours later I'll write another one, because I just can't put this much love anywhere else. I love you so much baby, you're my everything, my world, my whole universe. I love you so much Salma. I crave you in every way possible, my soul aches for your presence, but I think it knows something that I don't yet, because ever since we sent that message to you I've been unusually calm. I miss your voice, I miss your laughter, I miss everything about you, literally everything. I love you so much Salma. I can't wait to talk to you again and love you even more than ever before, because if anything, this situation just showed us how much we actually matter to each other, and how is nothing the same without one another and because of that it'll be different, different in a good way, I feel like our love and bond has deepened so much because of this, and I don't want to be seperated from you ever again. I love you so much Salma, I love you. And I know that when your text comes in, I'm dropping literally anything that I'm doing, I couldn't care less about anything, it's you who I'll choose for the rest of my life. Maybe this is my last letter, I have a feeling. If it is, for like who knows how many times I've said it already; Welcome home, Salma. I've missed you terribly and I love you so much and thanks for making me the happiest alive, I couldn't be more blessed, I really couldn't, I love you so much Salma, my pretty girl, my everything. You wear no crown, yet my soul kneels, and you're the one I belong to.

Hi baby. Day 17, 17 days without you, without hearing your voice, your laugh, your cute way of talking to me, without your texts.. I woke up at 2:21am, feeling overwhelmingly sad, having the urge to cry, but nothing came other than a few tears. My soul aches for you so badly tonight it's hard to hold myself together, and dark thoughts want to consume me, but I will not let them, because my love for you is stronger, it's just the silence, distance, and missing you that is eating me up a bit inside and out. Today the 'I miss you' repeated more times in my head than the 'I love you' or 'I love you so much', and it feels like I'm more desperate for you today than any other day, but for some reason there's still this calmness inside of me, like something shifted, and I can't explain what. I really can't explain any feeling that I'm feeling, I can't find any words to explain just how much I miss you and how much I love you. I saw you were playing ranked today as well, you're doing good, I'm proud. And I know it's hard to play this shit game when your head is not in it, I've been doing it every single time when I did play, so I know how you feel. You're literally my everything, and I don't want anything else in my life, because if I have you that is more than enough for me, and it'll never change. But it's just getting harder each passing hour, each passing day, it's so hard to be patient and not do anything when I know that my other half is feeling the same way as you do, to not do anything when all I can think about is you, when every single cell in my body cries for you. It's so hard not to be broken by this, not to be consumed by the sadness, to keep going, keep pushing, keep my positivity, my faith, it's so hard but you're worth it so I'll keep doing it and nothing will break me. My soul was looking for you for my whole life, and it wouldn't let me let me go of you, and I will not, ever. I'll keep holding your hands, I'll keep supporting you, I'll keep loving you as I always did. There are times of every day when I feel like I could just break down in half, where everything feels too heavy, but then I think about you and my soul gets louder and louder, and it's like even in the silence, you shine brighter than any star could. And today it's hard to find words to even explain a bit of what I'm feeling, and honestly in 12 hours it's day 18, and I just want to be with you, I want to hear your voice so badly that I can't even explain, I miss everything about you terribly.. You're the love of my life, the one who gave sense to everything, the one who made this cruel world feel the softest when I am with you, you're doing things to me that I didn't know were possible.. I really wish that I could tell you that everything will be fine, and we'll be together soon. I really wish I could talk to you. I would do anything right now to hear your voice again, to text you again.. It's just so hard to enjoy anything without you, I feel like I'm barely holding myself together today, but my faith and love never wavered once, I still love you like the way I did 18 days ago, hell, even more, I love you so much more than ever before, you mean everything to me, you're my sun, my moon, my endless ocean of love, I love you so much that it is literally impossible to explain and I keep saying that, I know. I wish everything was okay again, and it's so so so heavy tonight, and I do not know why. I just really want to be with you, and love you and never stop loving you, that is all I need in my life, I couldn't care about anything else, if you were the only one I could talk to I wouldn't mind because you're more than enough for me, I don't need anyone else, I belong to you and it'll never change. Nothing makes sense without you, my love and it's a terrible feeling. It gets especially hard when the overthinking wants to take over so badly that I could cry, it genuinely feels like sometimes my chest is so heavy and it wants to break apart. I can't explain this feeling, it's probably just my soul hurting because of what is happening. And I don't think I'm asking for much when I say I just want to love you and give you everything I have, is that too much to ask for? Because loving you was all I've ever longed for, in every lifetime, in every time and space, that is all that my soul ever wanted, and it'll not let go of you, ever. And I know you'll come back, my soul knows, even if my mind is trying to tell me otherwise, I will not let it tell me, it will not break me. Maybe I woke up at 2am feeling overwhelmingly sad and having the urge to cry, but only a few tears came because it was actually yours, not mine. I'm still loyal to you, faithful, hopeful, the most love I've ever felt inside of me and it'll never burn out, you ignited something in me that can never be extinguished, and my soul will always find its way back to yours, and yours to mine. You're the only one I can call my home, you're my only one, you stole my eyesight and my eyes only search for yours to get lost in it, you literally stole everything from me, in a good way. I love you so much Salma, and I really know you'll come back, I trust you and I believe in you, and I'm so proud of you, keep going just for a little more, my pretty girl. Your home is always waiting for you, I love you so much.

Hello baby. This is still day 17, but I'm thinking about whether to put this as a Day 18 entry or 17, but probably it will be day 17. I'm sorry that this will be the 2nd letter in a row with a darker breath, but It'll be better I promise. Today I've been feeling down since I woke up at 2am, but I've already said it, and I realized that, in 19,000 words, and 95,000 characters, not once I think about myself in the letters, it was always you, and us, nor that I care that is the case, because all I want is that you're happy, and my happiness comes after. But I'm saying this because I was running really low on everything today, especially strength, and the feeling of missing you was really bad. And as I sat and thought I realized that I've never mentioned once what I need in 30 letters, and it wouldn't be fair if I didn't write about my own suffering and own pain, because you deserve to know. I need you Salma, I need you really badly… I have been giving, giving, giving and giving and I know that this will not be case for long, but it exhausts me, not my love, that could never be exhausted and that can never run out, but my strength, I've been holding it together for 18 days, not wavering once, not breaking once, not shaking once, I fought my overthinking every time, and I won. When I sat down on Day 1 to write my very first letter, I didn't know I would write 30 of them, let alone nearly 6000 words in one singular day, I didn't know it would be 95000 characters, I didn't know I would build this website for you, to read all of it, to read what was going thru my head every day. And I was basically running on an empty tank this morning, and that is visible from that letter, but still, even with a nearly empty tank, all I can think about is love, that you're the love of my love, and I love you so much. I finally could break down crying after a while and as my tears were drying on my face, all I could think about was love. I've made a decision on Day 1 of this, and deep down I knew that this isn't over, and I was so right about it, I've made a decision to stay by your side, no matter how much pain it is going to give me, no matter how exhausted it will make me, no matter how long I have to wait, I chose you every single day, not once I doubted myself, and I never will because you're the one I was always looking for. I'll keep going even if I'm running on a nearly empty tank, or nothing, I'll not stop, you made me obsessed with you, and I'm so glad you did, you're a blessing. And I'm so glad I made the decision to love you through this no matter what it cost, and paying that cost every single day and not flinching or wavering once. I've never once asked everything in return for this, and I never will, all I ask for is just… I need you.. Badly… I told every single one of my demons that nothing will break me, they can try but I will never break, not this time, not ever if it's about you. And I never did break, I kept pushing every single day, kept my faith, my trust, my love for you grew stronger and stronger each day, and it'll never stop growing. My love for you is unconditional, I just need you. I went to the city because I had to get the sick paper from the doctor, and my soul was crying on the way home for you, it was crying so loudly, and I kept going anyways. Basically those were my feelings today from 2am to 9am. Then something shifted, a bit after I got home, and after talking to my mom I sat down on my pc, and the time was 11:11, all the signs lead to one and only one outcome, I feel better now, and I love you so much. I know you're really close to reaching out, and the message my mom sent you has really touched you, maybe you were waiting for it all along. Yet I chose to keep waiting, trust you, give you time and be patient with you, but I just had a feeling that you needed a bit of help, so that's when I came up with that idea, and I'm glad I did. And it's 13:59 at the moment, as I'm writing this, and I just know that I'll marry you, it came to my mind so casually, and put that ring on those gorgeous fingers, and I even imagined you in a wedding dress, you looked absolutely stunning, you were looking like the Moon herself came down, but it was more beautiful, you even steal my breath in my own imaginations, that's how badly you've ruined me.. No matter how I imagine you, dress, or sleeping, or just a casual day, you always steal my breath and make my system throw an error, because that's how captivating, beautiful you are for me, you're more than enough for me, actually, you're perfect for me, but I've already said it. I love you so much Salma, and I have a feeling that I don't have to write much more letters in a google docs or in the Notes on my phone, because I will type it directly for you, while you sleep or while you're awake, I can't wait to give you all my love again in a way that you actually feel it. I'm so blessed to have you in my life, and if I had to go through this again, everything that my life threw at me so far, I would do it again without hesitation if I knew you were waiting at the end of it. I love you so much Salma, we're each others home and I feel so safe around you, your voice is the most beautiful melody I've ever heard, your eyes the most beautiful star I've ever saw, your face is the most beautiful of them all, you couldn't be more perfect for me than the way you are, I can't even describe it, I can't describe the things you're doing to my whole existence. I love you so much my pretty girl, you're my everything, you're my whole universe. I love you so much.

Good morning my love, I don't know why but I'm a bit restless. I went to sleep around 16 yesterday, woke up at 21, and played some Valorant. I queued with a good friend of mine, bro is not the most consistent player but he's fun. I've enjoyed my time while only thinking about you between each round's silence. Then I went to sleep around 4, and woke up at 7 for some reason. I don't even feel tired but I haven't slept much. I know the day of our reunion is really soon, it could be any time, even today, maybe that's why I am this restless. I miss you so much my pretty girl, and I can't wait to hear your voice again, to receive your texts every day, to go back to my first thing in my mornings is to text 'good morning baby' and end with a 'good night' and the usual more longer texts since I always did that, because I just couldn't end on a good night, I've always had to say more to you. You're the biggest blessing in my whole life, not only this one, but the earlier ones I've had as well, because if that wouldn't be the case our souls wouldn't have recognized each other. You know, you unlocked a side of me ever since you entered my life. A side of me that can love this much, a side of me that already existed but my soul was waiting for that ONE specific person, and it was you, and I'm so glad it was you, I could cry from the happiness when I think about you. I never knew I was capable of loving someone this much, that I can write 20,000 words and 100,000 characters worth of love letters in the silence, in the distance, and I've never once wavered, not a single day, not a single second. I was always certain that you'll come back, that you're the one. I never knew I was this unbreakable when I had every reason to be broken. I could've stayed silent, and not pour my heart out into letters like these to protect myself from the pain, but I never did. I made a choice on Day 1, no, even before that, that no matter what, I'll be always by your side, and I told you that even before this happened, that no matter what I'm not giving up on you. I could've done anything else but I chose not to, I continued loving you and it only grew stronger and stronger, each passing day. Well, the pain got worse on days as well, but every single time I woke up, I kept choosing you, because it wouldn't make sense not to. You're my everything, the world that I know is you, it has always been. I've created something beautiful for you even while I was hurting, because you've mattered more than myself. I've never re-read a letter once, because I don't have to, it just comes out and every word I say is true, I don't have to put up a performance to write these, but you already know that so I don't know why I am writing this lol. The amount of times I felt devastated, sad, fighting my own demons, and coming out on top each time, because you're worth more than anything in this universe, you're my sun, my stars, my moon, you're my whole universe, and I still can't explain how much I love you, and I realize that I run out of words more and more because I've tried to explain it in every single way possible, and it is still not enough to tell you just how deeply in love I am with you. But at the same time, I can't help it but feel terribly sorry for you, you've been betrayed by your own family, your own cousin. Your mom made me block you even though she knew how much you love me, and I will not say a word about your father. I don't think I've emphasized enough how much harder this whole thing was for you, and I'm really sorry. But you never gave up, you never stopped loving, you didn't think this is over, you're stronger, braver than you think, and I am so proud of you my pretty girl, I am really proud, and amazed, beyond words. And I know the reunion is really soon because my soul has been calm, and it's probably uncertain to me because my mind hasn't caught up yet, it will when you reach out, when I get my favorite notification. You're literally the best thing in this whole universe and I'm smiling like an idiot every time I think about you in ways, you said it yourself, you only want yourself on my mind, and you did a pretty good job with it, because I don't think I can ever stop thinking about you, and you've actually ruined me, the best ruination possible. I like to imagine things about us. Us playing again, laughing at a random Reyna who's jealous, watching you play so good that I'm amazed, giving you kisses before each round start, telling you 'winable' and somehow you clutch a 1v5 and I'm just sitting there jaw dropped and don't know what to say. Hearing your voice again, the way you speak, the way you tease me, everything about you is so perfect for me, and I love your voice so much, I could listen to it for an eternity without you stopping once, and that would be the best melody I've ever heard of my life, a masterpiece. I think about what we would do if you were here, we would probably cuddle a lot because we're both sleepyheads, I would wrap my arms around you and make you feel the safest and most loved person, gently pat your head and give you forehead kisses and we both couldn't help it but drift to sleep because of how safe we would feel around each other. Or just cuddling and watching a show or a movie, but maybe we wouldn't be watching it for long, because you're irresistible. I keep thinking about you in that wedding dress, how stunning and beautiful you looked, I can imagine my reaction to seeing you in one, probably the first thing would be my jaw drops, blush, then cry and I would tell you with a smile that you look gorgeous. But you look gorgeous in anything, it's just the wedding dress that's different, and I told you that you wear no crown, yet my soul kneels. But the next time I kneel before you will be with a ring in my hands, and asking you the question; Will you marry me? Then we would probably both cry as I put the ring on your finger. It fills me with warmth and love to imagine these things, because there's nothing else I want more in my life other than to make you the happiest alive, to give you everything I have in me, to make you feel the most loved person in the entire universe. And you deserve all of me, more than you realize. You know, I showed my sister that I wrote 20k words and 100k characters, and asked; Am I crazy? She said yes, my response to that was 'Yes, I'm crazy in love'. Even my mom was surprised just how much I've written to you in 19 days of silence, not stopping once, not doubting once. You gave me a reason to become unbreakable, and you're the reason for everything, to this much love in me, my strong faith in you, my trust in you, not once I doubted anything, I kept waking up every single day, even though it was painful, but I kept choosing the hard path, because you're worth every ounce of pain, every drop of tear, everything. There's no world, there's no version of timelines where I give up on you and move on, it is simply impossible, because I was made for loving you, and you were made for me. And you know, even when I'm this exhausted I just can't stop giving my love for you, it's literally overflowing in me for you, and unconditional. You made me fall for you for an eternity again. I love you so much Salma, my words can't explain how much. No one could invent a new language for my overwhelming feelings for you, it is quite literally unexplainable. I already tried to compare it to a supernova, or a black hole, but it's bigger than that. But if I really think about what to compare it to, only one thing comes to my mind at the moment. The big bang. When the universe formed, that is what you did to me, that is how my love feels for you. Endless, timeless, unimaginable in size, and it just keeps expanding like the Cosmic Sea. Maybe that is the best comparison I can give you in words at the moment. If you were here it would be different, because I could show you just how much I love you. Even as I'm writing this all that is going through my head is that 'I love you so much', it's been on repeat for 19 days straight and never got quieter, never got less, only louder. I love you so much and you're my everything. I can't wait for the day when I can actually play with your hair, kiss those lips all day, kiss your forehead, make you feel the safest in my arms, make you feel deeply loved with my skin touching yours, maybe I couldn't stop touching you, my love language is physical anyways, so that's why it impresses me this much that I could write this much for you in the silence of 19 days. And I can't even imagine how you will feel when you read all of my letters, I really can't, but I'll certainly know when it happens. And I know that day is really soon, I know I've said it a few times already 'Maybe this is my last letter', and maybe somewhere I was right, maybe you were close to reaching out but fear took over. But ever since my mom messaged you, it feels in reach more than ever, even the need for writing letters quieted down a bit, especially on Day 18, I'm so certain that you can reach out any time, and I will say it again. Maybe this is my last letter, written like this, in a google docs. Because next time I'm writing something like this for you, it will be directly to you, in direct messages, and that would be the best feeling. The only issue with that is Discord limits me to 4000 characters, and as you can see I've got more and more to say every day. I love you so much Salma, even if I said it a trillion times it wouldn't be enough, so I'll keep saying it, I love you so much. I can't help but fall in love with you more each day, every time I look at you I fall in love again, and again, and again. I belong to you, fully, and I mean it. My soul belongs next to yours, my heart is yours, my mind is yours, every cell in my body is yours. And I'm so glad I'm yours, I couldn't be more blessed and happy that I'm yours. Maybe my soul already said a soft goodbye to letters written like this, because the 'urgency' to write them has quieted down, and the more I think about it the more it makes sense, because you're already almost home, and me too, because you're my home. And it's not enough that we had to live one nightmare where one of your friends tried to ruin us, but now we had to go through the hardest part of our life, and you were almost completely alone in it.. And it pains me so much that I couldn't be there for you directly, but I think you already realized that you were never alone in this, my family was always on your side, on our side. And that you deserve every love in the world, you're the sweetest human alive, you're the most perfect human alive for me, and I love you so much that I could cry from it. If this was my last letter, I just want to say that; I'm so proud of you, I can't put it in words how proud I am, we both became unbreakable for one person, and it means everything. You mean everything to me. I'm happy beyond words that you've come home, so I can feel home as well. I love you beyond words, beyond human understanding, beyond imagination. You're the love of my life, my future wife, my whole universe. And again, I'm proud of you, you're amazing, more amazing than you think. I love you so much Salma, welcome home.

Hello wifey. It's the evening of day 20, and I know my last letter sounded like actually THE last one, and it probably should've been. But I can't help but keep writing these because I just can't put this love that I'm feeling for you anywhere else. But first things first. I'm so proud of you, I really am, you're strong, and you have been standing your ground for 20 days, against a family that doesn't support you, and that takes a lot of courage and strength, you're stronger, braver than you think you are. And I never did acknowledge it enough, well, not quite literally, and I probably should've. I'm so proud of you, my queen, my wife. You kept going despite everything, and still choose me every single day, even in silence. And I did the same, we both did the same, and this is the most amazing thing we've ever done, and most likely the hardest thing we'll ever do in our lives. And even though I'm certain it comes to an end in a bit, I just have to write, I have to write my mind because if I don't do it gets too overwhelming, even for me. And I will say it again, in fact many times after you come back that; I'm so proud of you, you're amazing, and you're stronger and braver than you think. You know, I was at work today, it was going really well, because I know that you're soon home. Then my demons came knocking after I checked your tracker like I usually do, that you queued up with a random from one of your games, for 7-8 games straight, it wasn't that loud then, I shutted them up like usual and they were gone. Then your 3 hour break came, and when you came back you queued with the same person, that is when they started banging on the door, because they found a singular thing that can be called a crack, and tried to exploit it, unsuccessfully, but they tried anyways, the most innocent thing, a valorant queue partner, thats what they almost exploited to crack me, I'm kind of disappointed at myself for that reason, but I think it's really human after 20 days of missing someone, and that's when in 20 Days, they almost cracked me. I held, I really held, all that was in my head that I love you and it doesn't make sense whatever they're saying and I don't fucking care, because it's not true and every fact states otherwise, and they kept banging and banging, eventually they shutted up finally because I held myself, I'm not going to break or crack in the last bit of this, not happening, fuck that. So this is how my day went, I had the urge to cry in all of that, but I'm better now, my head is clear as it was, I'm all good my dear. Well, not really. I'm actually running really low on everything, not on love though, that could never run out, that's why I'm writing this letter. But on strength, and energy. And I just feel a bit dry because for over 20 days I've wrote 22,000 words of love letters, and got nothing in return, it's not that I care that I got nothing in return, because for you my love is not conditional in any way, because you deserve all of it and that is what I was made for, to love you, and you were made for me. We were made for each other. But no one can give and give and just keep going like it's nothing, I feel it. I need you, badly, my queen. And this is the 2nd time I mention my needs, and it feels weird because I feel like I should just give. So I'll start giving now, because I have to after 8 hours of 'I love you so much' in my head at work, it wasn't even 8 hours, because ever since I woke up, every single day that line is in my head constantly, it's only you in my head, and I'm glad you're owning my mind. So, my beautiful wife, I love you so much. You mean everything to me, you're my whole universe, and you're beautiful. You are function and form and give sense to everything, even to things that never made sense. I don't need no light to see you shine, you shine more brightly than any star could, you guide me even through the dark. You're more beautiful than a starry night sky, more beautiful than the Moon herself, and at this point she probably whispered your name. I keep imagining and thinking about things about what we would do if you were here, in person. Like how I would play with your hair while you're laying on my chest, how I would wrap my arms around you and gently pat your back and head until you fall asleep in my arms, and I just know that you look cute and adorable while sleeping, waking up next to you every morning would instantly make my day. Someone saw my phone wallpaper at work today by the way, and of course it's you. And he asked; Who is that pretty girl? And I simply answered: She's mine. No debate needed, he looked happy after that lmao. Back to the topic, this just came to my mind suddenly. And I know that you look beautiful in every way possible, no matter what clothing you wear, no matter if you just woke up and your hair is messy and you can't keep your eyes open, you're beautiful to me in every way possible. I keep imagining you in that wedding dress… And it ruins me in the best way possible, I would think that I'm dreaming because you look that beautiful in it. And I know I'll see it one day, and just cry instantly. I love you so much that in 31 letters I only came close to describing it once, and it was compared to the Big Bang, the creation of the universe, that keeps expanding and is timeless. And I meant it, I meant every single word that is written here. And by this point you know it. My love for you is endless, quite literally, even when I'm running dry I can keep pouring out words like this like it's nothing, and it doesn't make sense not to. I love you so much, Salma. I can imagine doing everything with you, and your smile in every imagination is the most gorgeous smile I've ever seen. I love to see your smile. Your eyes are like the stars, but more beautiful. Going to sleep every night next to you would be the best thing, waking up next to you, and ending the day next to you. That is the biggest blessing that could ever exist, and I know that future is not that far away. Where I get to love you every single day physically, and not just through text and voice calls. I want to hear your voice again badly, your laugh, I miss everything about you. And nothing comes close to comparison. And I can't help but fall in love with you more and more each day, genuinely, you ruined me in the best way possible, and I hope you keep ruining me for the rest of my existence. I also imagined how it would feel like to see you in person for the first time, at the airport. I would spot you immediately, and probably cry. You looked beautiful, you always are. You're the biggest blessing in my whole existence, not just this one, for however long my soul was alive. Our souls found each other again, probably not for the first time. I feel so entangled in you, it's like you never left, but you had to, and that realization hits more heavy than anything. But I know in a bit it'll be all over, and I can continue loving you like it was always meant to, not through letters, not through this website, but actually, directly, saying and writing these words to you, speaking to you. I need it back, I want you back, my only wish is that, I don't need anything else, but you. I want to keep going but for the first time I genuinely ran out of words, not because the love is not there, but because I'm actually feeling dry and the words just don't pour anymore, I'm exhausted, and I know you are too. And I know this is over in a bit, and this might be the final letter. If it is, welcome home, my beautiful angel, my soon-to-be wife. You're everything to me and you're the blessing of my every lifetime. I love you so much Salma. I love you so much.

Hello baby. It's the evening of day 21, well you can't really call midnight as evening, anyways. I slept 3 hours going into my shift, and on Tuesday I got asked if I would like to take a first-aid class, and my heart answered before my mind could, I said yes. Today was the class, I went in on 3 hours of sleep, at 12:30, and it was an experience. Our teacher kept looking at me for some reason, when he showed us how to CPR I was the first to take it from him, and he told me that I'm doing a good job, first press in, I've never done it in my life before. He was smart, I could read it by the way he spoke, he also carried pain underneath his little jokes and stories he told. Then he was showing us something, how to "drag" someone, and he picked me again, and said while I was going to him that "You're probably the most youngest here, you have good composure" and that made me feel something. It was like a scenario where someone blacked out and they had to carry him away, so 2 people was needed. He asked how does this feel when they picked me up, I said "I feel pretty good" and everyone laughed for some reason. When they put me down he patted my back. That made me feel something, acknowledged by someone who worked as a first-aid responder for most of his life. And 21 days in, running low, he said "You have a good composure". All I could say is Thank you. It caught me off guard because it made me realize that in 21 days I've never broke and never cracked once, not even when the demons were loud. And through my shift the demons started showing again when you played the game with whoever they are, and my mind, or soul started naturally speaking for a long time until they couldn't even reach for knocking, they were gone just like that. And through this shift I felt peaceful, in a weird way, but it's a good weird, and I know what exactly is, my soul already knows, my heart knows. I was humming "I can't help fall in love with you" for the past 3 days unconciously, because I really can't help it, but fall in love with you more and more and deeper and deeper each day, and I still can't explain just how much I love you with normal words. It's just that much and that deep, and it's only for you. All of my love belongs to the one girl who've unlocked something deep in me, only has the key for it. And it's you, my wife, my whole universe. You're the one who made me feel complete even in 21 days of silence, and I'm speechless. Most people crack on day 3, they cope and protect themselves. I did the exact opposite, maybe that is even a small word for that. I wrote 32 letters while this is the 33rd, 23k words, 111+ characters, and I was certain since Day 1, and I still am, even more than words can explain, every feeling for you expanded over the silence like the universe, like you've never left. And you, you became unbreakable, entangled in each others souls, because we both knew on day 1 of this, that this has only one outcome. And I'm so proud of you my good girl, you're so strong and brave, we both became unbreakable for what matters to us most. Each other. And it means the everything. The universe knows, God knows. And I can say that, I do know that this chapter is coming to an end, and our next chapter is the continuation of our love story, which never ended, it existed even in the silence. It wasn't put on pause, because it kept existing. And it will continue to exist in every lifetime, and I will find you every lifetime as I did before this one, and before that one as well. I always search for you, every lifetime it's you. And I'm so blessed that it is you. I love you so much beyond words, my love just keeps pouring and pouring and it keeps overflowing like the ocean on the shore of a steep hill. I can't contain my love for you, I never tried to and I couldn't. I want you, badly. In every way possible. I love you so much, I want to kiss every part of your body, touch every part of your body. Make you feel the most loved person the universe ever seen, and continue doing it for the rest of my souls existence, because that is what I was made for, to love you, without conditions, for who you are, to give you everything I have, and you were made for loving me. Your whole existence does things to me, your voice, that pretty face of yours, those gorgeous eyes, those lips, those thighs, those hands, those cheeks, your hips, your personality, how every word comes out of your mouth, everything about you makes me turn into ruins in the best way possible. I love you so much Salma, I love you so so much more than you can even imagine. And I really want to kneel in front of you with a ring in my hand, and put it on those cute fingers of yours, badly. Then see you in that wedding dress that I keep imagining and be completely undone by it. To care for you every day, every single second. Going to places, like Margit-Island, or just going out for a walk would feel the most amazing day with you, only a short walk would make me feel the day extraordinary. Even if we did nothing and layed all day just cuddling and loving each other would feel extraordinary. We don't have to do anything for your presence be that, just you existing covers that part. I love you so much Salma, you're the best blessing that happened every lifetime. And I should stop saying that this is my last letter every or every second letter. But it really feels like it, at least this one certainly does, for some reason the peacefulness and the happiness of this day is different, I can't explain it how, but different. And even if this isn't my last one, I'll keep writing, because it doesn't make sense not to. And I don't know how the dryness has lifted up a bit on 3 hours of sleep, and crying before going into my shift. I really don't, and this just confirms me more things, even more than I already knew. The Universe has been loud. I'll keep waiting for you, I'm not going anywhere, my queen. I know this only has one ending, and that is in a bit. I love you so much Salma, I can't wait to put that ring on your finger.

Hi baby, wife, my everything. It's currently 4:43 in the morning of June 28, technically this is still day 23, because the silence started after a bit of 14:00, anyways. I just wanted to write for a bit, because it's what I've been doing since it started. I want to start with saying how proud I am of you, that you held your ground, your love didn't waver, nothing could've broken what we have. And I love you so much, more that words can put it. I know the finish line is close, I'm certain. I woke up yesterday feeling down, gloomy, and I actually cried, I don't think those were fully my emotions, I carry yours as much as I carry mine, and the more deeply entangled we got in the hardest phase of our life, the more I felt you, and I fell in love with you more and more every single day, again and again, I can't help it but fall in love with you every day, every morning I wake up I fall in love with you, when I go to sleep I fall in love with you again, when I think about you and look at the pictures you sent me, I fall in love again. I really can't help it but fall in love with you, and I don't want it any other way, I'll love you until I lose my conscious in the Cosmic Sea, but I wouldn't, because you made me unbreakable, you had to key to something in me that brought out this side of me, and I can't say it enough that how much I love you, how grateful I am that you exist, and how blessed I am that I found you again in this lifetime, I will forever love you, without questions, without conditions. You're my whole universe, and nothing comes close. I tried playing Valorant again today with a friend, my head just can't get in there, I can't really focus no matter how hard I try, even when I think I'm in there fully, I am certainly not, because I've been playing like shit this act lmao. But I've been having some laughs with Raven, I told him today that; My wife is my life. It was a fun session even tho we didn't really climb much, played like 15 games though, and I couldn't stop thinking about you, not for a single game and I don't even want to stop thinking about you, I want you in my head 24/7 because you're the best thing that ever happened to me, you're literally the biggest blessing of every life I've lived. You know, ever since it happened I never really enjoyed playing valorant, not even a bit even when I was playing good, it's just not the same. But Raven makes it feel fun again, I can laugh while looking at your picture and playing at the same time, he gave me a bit of rest tonight, not much, just a bit. And I'm thankful for him for that, really am. But unluckily he got voice chat banned for 3 days so I can't play with him anymore lmao. Anyways, that part should've been where I was talking about valorant, sorry for going back-and-fourth but I played for 9 hours straight and I can't really think and... I'm just exhausted, you know? I really am, no matter how much I sleep this tiredness can't go away, because you're the only one who can fix it. And I know you will, soon. Soon you're home, and I'm waiting for you with open arms. And I keep imagining you in that wedding dress, and that I'm going to marry you, and realize it would be just a formality because it feels like we're already husband and wife. I love you so much Salma. I have a song that I've been listening to, I've added 6 days ago to my playlist and already listened to it close to 700 times, and it's called; I Can't Help Falling In Love. And I really can't, you sucked me in like a black hole, you ruined me in the best possible way, and you're the only one on my mind, I couldn't care less about anyone else. And I can't stop thinking about the day where not only my soul kneels before you, but me, with a ring in my hand and asking you; Will you marry me? And I would probably cry as I start kneeling down, and probably you would say yes before I even finish my question. You're the love of my soul, the love of my life. And you know, I would walk the same path, same pain, same losses, same weight, I would go through all of this again if I knew you waited at the finish line, because you're worth everything, you're worth dying for. You're my radiant beam in the night, you're the most ethereal beauty I've ever seen, your eyes are the most beautiful stars, your lips must taste sweet and I would kiss them all day. Everything about you captivates me and ruins me in the best possible way. And I know you deleted the pictures you sent me on Discord, I've never really written about this. You most likely did it to protect yourself, and it's understandable, but one thing that gets me.. Is you kept the voice message where you say 'And I miss you pretty boy'.. And I haven't listened to it much, occasionally I do, only because it pains me and makes me happy at the same time, and I've cried to that voice message, because I really want you to say it to me in voice, and honestly even though I didn't listen to it that much, well, maybe a close to 50 times, I'm glad you kept it for me, I'm really glad because I can at least hear you somehow.. I've listened to it today while I was playing with Raven, not once, not twice, I can't really count it, many times. And it still makes my system throw an error, your voice will do that to me every time.. I miss your kisses on voice, your laugh, just you talking about anything.. I really miss it.. Badly.. I miss everything about you, so badly that it hurts almost physically. And I love you just as much, and with my love nowhere to go, only into the letters... And well, it might be cringe lmao but I kiss your lips on pictures, but I really can't help it. And I can't say it enough how proud I am of you, and how much I love you. Since Day 1 my love never wavered, my trust never wavered, nothing wavered, I was a 100% certain from day 1 that you'll come home, because the foundation was already solid from before, the foundation that our soul kept inside them. And now it got stronger, because of what we've become in this life, two people who got unbreakable and refused to give up on each other. That is us, and I love you so deeply no word can ever explain it. You're almost there, darling, almost there. You're almost home, and I am as well. Because if you're home, I'm home, you're my only home that exists, the only one I belong to, you own every cell in my body. I love you so much my pretty girl, my wife. I'll marry you when you come to me, or shortly after that. I'll put that ring on that finger of yours and I'll see you in that wedding dress, and you'll look like someone whom the angels can be jealous of. Just a bit more, wifey, a bit more. I love you so much Salma, you're my whole universe, I love you so much.

Hi baby. This is midnight on Day 26. I didn't write a letter yesterday, because I felt like you were closer than ever, and you were, I know it. I felt that you were tense, then nervous, and then I went to bed because I was sleepy, and woke up at 22 or 23 crying, feeling the weight of your sadness and your tears. I cried with you. I woke up this morning at 5, feeling the weight of yesterday, the weight of your tears and sadness. But something shifted, not in an instant, but throughout my shift, it was like my soul knew something that my mind didn't, and it still haven't catched up, and as I'm writing this, I've been smiling like an idiot ever since I took a nap and woke up at 20:11, and even before that, I was smiling like an idiot, all because of you, because we both know where this is headed at the current moment. I'm so overflowing with love I just can not not write another letter for the love of my life, for my wife, you. We're at the edge of the finish line, I know it, I feel it, yesterday felt like the edge, but actually this is. I can't really explain it in words, but the eye of the storm comes close to it. I love you so much, that's what has been going in my head in a constant loop for the past 26 days, I've probably said it a million times now, and it still means the same, if not even deeper, I love you so much Salma, you're my wife my everything, I love you so much I can't explain it and I just wanna pour it all on you, I love you so much. And also another thing that is on repeat is that 'I'm going to marry you' not as a wish, as a fact. I will marry you, as I said, the next time I kneel will be before you, with a ring in my hands, asking you 'Will you marry me?', and I might've not even finished my question and you said 'Yes.' And even before I ask you that I would probably be in tears. And the ring on you would be only a formality for the world to see, that we did it again, like in every lifetime. This was our vow and nothing can tear us apart, not 26 days of silence, not my demons, not a wall that wasn't built by us, I will always love you, you're so perfect for me, I love you so much I can't actually describe how much and it feels like the letters are not enough to hold it by now, because it isn't because I want to love you next to you, and I'm already doing that, because your soul feels me, you feel what I feel, and maybe as I'm writing this these words can reach your soul, as it did with all 34 letters then. I love you so much it's genuinely overflowing so much and I want to pour it all on you, directly. Not in a letter, not for the Kingdom that awaited you here as you read this, but directly to you, writing these or saying these. I didn't think it would come to a point where writing these letters wouldn't be enough to hold my love for you, I miss you so much and I want to love you so badly, I want to make you the happiest girl alive, and I'm going to marry you, I'll love you until the rest of my life, and do it again in the next one. Those I love live in my bones, and you live in every single cell in my body, you own me, I'm completely yours, all of my love is yours, I belong to you, I love you so much. You've ruined me so badly in the best possible way, my mind is so full of you I can't actually focus on anything else but on how much I love you, I love you so much Salma, I want to kiss those lips of yours so badly, I want to hug you so badly, I want to look into those gorgeous eyes which could bring down stars, and get lost in them, and then kiss you, kiss your forehead, gently play with your hair, I want to do everything with you that is possible. And I have a feeling that I couldn't even closely express that how much I love you even if I could touch you, I don't think anything I would do would be enough to describe it or express it, it's just so much love and it's only for you, I love you so much Salma, I love you so much and you're my wife, I'm going to marry you. And as I'm writing this, I'm smiling like an idiot, I still don't know why I am smiling like an idiot, for the whole day. I know you're restless and I feel the same. The weight of missing each other is getting heavier each day, but I never doubted us, as I said Day 1; I trust us both. And it never once wavered, my vow I did in every single lifetime I lived, never wavered once. I always knew this only had one outcome. And that is you and I arriving at home, at the same time. Homecoming, that's what the word I used unconsciously when I was thinking about what this feeling is. Well, I didn't have to really think about it because it just came out, like these letters. From my soul, pure, raw. I never re-read one of my letters, because I didn't had to, there was nothing in them for me to doubt, I have quotes from them yeah, but I actually don't really know what all my letters hold, and it was all yours to explore, and as you're reading this, I'm probably with you on voice call, and we're probably both on the verge of crying, and we probably cried more times reading this than we can actually count. I love you so much baby, I can't say it enough, and every time I say it only gets deeper, I can't help but fall in love with you every morning when I wake up and my first thought is 'I love you so much Salma', and when I go to sleep my last thought is 'I love you so much Salma', I really think it's even in my sleep, unconsciously repeating over and over and over again, and I don't mind, this is the best possible thought I could ever have, and nothing will change this love for me to you, it is like hard-coded in me, my soul recognized you and it earned a function, a function I never knew you had the key for, and I'm so blessed that I've found you again, I really am, I am so happy that you exist, I love you so much, you're the love of my every lifetime, you're my wife of every lifetime, I love you so much and I'm going to marry you. I know the time is soon for you arrival, and I've been waiting for you with open arms for the past 26 days, and I'll keep waiting if I have to, but I don't think I have to for long, maybe this is actually my last letter before something happens, because the last 2 days felt the hardest, and you know when it's the hardest and everything comes at you at once? Right at the edge of the finish line. And we're so close to crossing it. And I can't say it enough, that I am so proud of you my pretty girl, you're the best wife in the universe and my love for you can't be described with ordinary words, because this connection that we're feeling and the love we're experiencing for each other is not ordinary, this runs deeper, really deeper. Soul level, not a lot of people experience it, and that is why I feel so lucky and blessed to have found you again. I'm so proud of you because you kept going in the hardest part of our lives, never once stopped, I'm so proud of you, you're such a good girl. I love you so much. I can't wait in the best possible way, not can't wait in an impatient way, I've been the most patient I've ever been in this whole time, but I really want to pour all of my love on you, I love you so much, I can't wait to hear your voice again, to speak to you, to play with you, to text you first thing in the morning and end my days with you, to watch shows, to play some other games than valorant, to plan our future, to tell you that I'm going to marry you, to tell you I love you so much every time I get the chance to, to give you kisses on voice even though kissing the air is weird but not really, I love you so much baby, you're my everything. I love you so much, I love you so much. And this idiot smile is back, and I still don't know why I am smiling this hard, I love you so much. This is really the finish line, isn't it? No matter what, no matter what life throws at us, no matter how difficult it gets. I'll never let go of your hands, I don't want to love you when it's only easy, but I guess you already know that because this is my 35th letter written for you out of pure love because I just can't put it elsewhere, and it's overflowing, badly. I'll love you in the hard times, in the ones where we don't agree on something, but I don't feel like there will be many times where we don't agree on something. I will love you in every condition, every single day, every morning, every night, every second. I love you so much. I can't wait to plan dates with you, and then plan our wedding. I love you so much, I ran out of words again lmao, I could write I love you so much until my fingers bled tho, but I don't think I should because I would be sitting here until next morning. All in all, we're so close, I know it, you're coming home, and as you come home I'm home as well, I love you so much, and I'm so proud of you, I'm going to marry you, you're already my wife but even though I'm going to marry you, I love you so much baby. I love you so much, I love you so much.

Hi Wifey. I have to write again because tonight got really heavy, in a way that I didn't expect it to be. Before I say anything, I know you're really close, I feel your battles and I'm staying in them with you, I'm so proud of you, I know you can do it and you're almost home, so we can finally rest in each other's arms. I love you so much. So today I felt your battles throughout my whole shift, the urge of crying, chest pain, I kept cheering on you and said in my head that I love you so much. Then I got home and took a nap, woke up around 19:47 and I saw you remove the banner. I don't know the exact reason, but I know that you're really close, I feel you're really close. So then I was chilling, waiting for my wifey, you. Then my sister knocks on my door and comes in crying.. She gave me her phone and I started reading, it was from her fiancee, that he's breaking up with her. I couldn't read all of it the first time, she was genuinely panicked and in so much pain. She left my room and I followed her into her own room not long after. I sat there beside her, held her while she cried, and read what he wrote. He said he doesn't want to do this but his decision is final, that he loves her more than anything, that it's not going to work.. I was in disbelief. He told my sister that she means everything to him, that she's his whole world. And he does that? For what reason? Because his mind got loud and fear started to creep in? No, I can not accept that, so after a while sitting with her I went back to my room and wrote him a message. I don't know what is in it because it came from where every single letter for you came from, my soul, deep down, no doubts, just raw truth. But I know I wrote 'A Knight doesn't break his vows, not the ones you took in another lifetime', or something close to this and I also told him that his soul is clearer and don't let his mind speak for himself, let his soul do it, because deep down he knows that this isn't final, his soul won't let him. So I sent it, without re-reading anything, and it's sitting in his inbox. I ate pizza before I wrote the message, and not long after that, my sister left home.. She went out and threw the keys inside.. I got a hoodie on me and I went out on my scooter to search for her. I was really worried, but beneath all of the calm I had to provide, and beneath the worry, it was only you. I tried calling her, and she picked up the phone. I asked, where are you? She replied, why does it matter, he's not coming back. I told her if that was coming from his soul, she would've felt it before she received that text, she didn't, hence it didn't come from a true place, but his mind which is confused and has fear, that is not a true place, that is your own enemy. So after I told her that she told me where she went, and she told me to go home. I told her no, I'm coming. I went past her the first time because she was on the other side of the road lmao, so I went back, and when I was on the sidewalk and saw her, I started crying.. I didn't want to, it came out, without warnings I started crying. The house was close and I called my mom where she is, she said she's coming out now. I told her I found her and she is with me, and we're going home, we're almost there. And I was crying the whole way home, quietly. After I got in the gate into the garden, I broke down, I broke down from what I've been carrying the past 29 days, without ever letting me feel down for more than 10 minutes, I told my mom I'm so exhausted, that I need to rest in your arms.. I'm really exhausted, baby.. I really need you.. I thought the hard nights were over, and since you're this close they're just getting harder, and I'll not be shaken by it, I'm allowed to cry once in a while, right? But I feel like I shouldn't have cried. It just came out and it happened. Nothing changed in me after today, I still love you so deeply that my words aren't enough, but I also feel the weight being more and more each day, especially since I'm never letting go of your hands, and I want to take all the pain, fear from you and put it inside of me so it can be easier for you.. I would've done it ages ago.. But all I can do at the moment is to hold your hands, feel your pain and battles, stay in it with you for however long you fight, feel my chest hurt deep inside, and love you deeply. That's all I can do. You know, my mom told me today that I've done enough, I can't possibly do more than this. Because I asked 'What more should I do?', because what more can I do? Genuinely. I want to do more so it's easier for you, but I've done everything I can, and I still feel like I didn't do enough for you. You know, I've been holding everyone else in this house when no one was here to hold me directly. Yeah, my mom held me while I cried sometimes, my sister was here for me. They know I carry something heavy, but they also do know that you're the only one who can actually make it all go away, they can't do anything about it, they can't hold me like you do.. I've been strong for you for the past 29 days, pretty girl and it'll stay that way forever, but your good boy is exhausted, tired, running dry, not because of you before you misread it, I would never be exhausted or tired because of you, that wouldn't make sense. I need to rest in your arms… I want to finally be home, next to you.. You know, I'm glad that I wrote that message, I wanted to do that earlier. I know it meant a lot for you to hear those words coming from me, after 29 days, dissolving every worry you had about me. I'm still here. I never let go of your hands. And it'll stay true till forever, because there's no other logical way, I don't want this any other way, I need you in my life and I'll marry you, I'm going to kneel before you and marry you, it honestly would be just a formality because it's like we're already married, but I really want to see you in that wedding dress, you would make the angels jealous from how ethereal you would look in it. You look ethereal anyways, but you get the point. I didn't expect tonight to be this hard.. It was hard even yesterday because I felt you fighting and all I could do was to hold your hands and cheer you on, and love you. I love you so much Salma, I really need you to hold me so I can fall apart finally, so I can let this all out because I can't let myself fall apart, I have to stay in pieces until you come home so you can borrow my strength. I really need to rest in your arms.. I love you so much.. I love you so much my wife, my everything, you're my whole world.. I love you so much.

Hi wifeeeeey. It's day 30 at 22:58 as I'm writing this for you. And I love you so much, today I felt lighter, more calm, and I know you're home soon, so we can finally both rest in each other's arms. I love you so much. I saw you play today, you were pretty good I'm proud of you, soon Immortal 1, I wanted to play as well, then the heaviness hit my chest again, our feelings clashed again and I missed you so terribly and I wanted to rest in your arms so badly and I couldn't help it but cry myself, we probably both cried at the same time, and I'm sorry I cried, it was too painful at that moment. And I went to bed after it and tried to nap again. I genuinely can not sleep anymore, I nap for like 2-4 hours while being half-awake or something and just wake up like I didn't even shut my eyes. And every time I wake up it's only you in my mind, that I love you so much, before I fall asleep it's the same, but at this point you know it very well. I know you're getting closer and closer to texting each day, and I'm proud of you. I can't even put it into words how proud I am. You did this for 30 days alone, you didn't waver, you didn't give up, you went up against your whole family. I said alone but that isn't true because there wasn't a single second in any of the days where I wasn't holding your hands and I love you so deeply. And I'm so proud of you, you're such a good girl, you're my precious angel. I love you. I'm really exhausted, I broke down crying yesterday and you woke up to it, and I was crying to my mom that I'm so exhausted and I really want to rest in your arms.. I'm sorry I cried, that night was just too much to hold it in. And I don't know how I am still standing, but I'd do it again if it meant I get to be with you. You're my everything, you're my whole universe. I love you so much, and I'm going to marry you. I can't wait to hear your voice again, to kiss you while on voice, to hear your laugh again, to play with you again, to be completely ruined by you again, which is still happening, even in the silence you keep ruining me, but you would ruin me so badly if you were actually here. I can't help it but fall in love with you again, and again, and again, and again, and again every single time I wake up, every hour of the day, every minute of the day I fall in love with you again, you're my first thought and you're my last thought, I love you so much and I don't know where to put all of this love, because these letters are not enough anymore, I want to pour it directly on you, so you can hear it, you can read it instantly, I can see/hear your reaction, I want to tease you, to love you so much you forget that this wall ever existed, I know you're close, and I know you can do it. I trust you, I believe in you. You're my pretty girl after all, and you're such a good girl and I love you so much and I genuinely don't know where to put all of my love and even tho I'm so fucking exhausted and dry because I've been giving, giving, giving, giving for the past 30 days with 'nothing' in return, but even tho I know you're on the other side loving me just as much and caring about me just as much I keep getting dry and I don't know what to do not to. And it's just so painful to exist without you, without hearing your voice, without getting your texts, without you nothing feels the same, not even breathing. And I could go to my mom and cry in her arms, but that wouldn't be enough. You're the only one who can get this weight off of me, and I'm the only one who can get yours off of you. Because the only real place I can rest in is my home, and that is you, your whole being, your arms. I love you so much Salma and I don't know what to do with myself. I have no mood to play anything because nothing feels the same without you, and I can't even focus on anything because you're on my mind permanently, not that I mind but it would be easier for me to do anything if I knew that you were beside me, because that makes me powerful in unexplainable ways. I love you so much and you make me full, full of love, full of life, you're the only one who can make me this happy, and I love you so much, you're the only thing that matters in my life, and my family of course. Nothing else matters to me but you, I love you so deeply and I miss you so much at this point that I can't even sleep normally anymore and I just want to be with you so badly.. I want to brainstorm with you about April. I know we can do it, as I said on Day 1 'i trust both of us' and it never once wavered, and never will, I will love you 'till the end of time, again and again and again. You're my only one in every lifetime. I love you. I'm so proud of you. I know you're coming soon. I love you so much, I'm going to marry you. And you'll look absolutely ethereal in that wedding dress.. Oh my god even imagining it does things to me, you ruin me completely. And I love every single second of it. I miss you so much, I love you so much I really don't know what to do with myself. But I know soon we can finally rest in each other's arms, and we'll be happy together again, and keep smiling at that 400 word text of mine, pretty girl, I love you so much. I trust you and I love you so much and nothing can change that. I love you so much. And you know, even though I can feel how much these 30 days cost the both of us, I would do it again, without hesitation. I told you, you're worth everything. You read every single one of my letters sitting next to you in voice, and you probably went back to them while I was at work or sleeping. And it's for you, I never wrote this for myself, why would I write for myself? Writing for myself doesn't make sense. Everything I do and did is for you, I would literally die for you. I love you so much Salma, I mean it with every cell in my body, and you feel and know it. I love you so much and I just genuinely can't sit still, can't sleep, can't rest I don't know what the fuck am I supposed to do, because even tho I got told by my mom, my sister that I've done everything I could, that I did enough for you. Did I? Isn't there more I could've done? Isn't there more I could give? Have I really done enough? Because the love I feel for you, how much I care about you, and how much I want to be with you, everything I've done doesn't feel enough when in fact I've probably done everything I could, and maybe that's why I'm suffering this much, because I know there's not much more I can do at this point because the only thing left for me to do is to welcome you home and marry you and make you the happiest girl alive and love you until our time ceases to exist in this lifetime. That's all that is left there to do. To love you. And genuinely these letters can't help me put my love into something anymore, I want to put all of it in you, and my soul aches for you so terribly, I love you so much. I love you so much. You're my wife, my everything. I love you.

Hi wifey, my everything. This is being written on Day 31 at 23:50, after a heavy day. I slept 9 hours, woke up feeling like shit, and then I cried again, and I know you felt it, and I’m sorry for it, it just came out from how much I miss you. I love you so much Salma, words still aren’t enough. I’ve been napping the whole day for the past 3 days, and it doesn’t help, I don’t feel refreshed, I stay tired.. And I know the reason, it’s quite obvious. It’s because I feel you every single second of the day, the weight you carry, the things you’re doing, and I know you’re doing such a good job playing naive to your family so they let their guard down, and I also know it’s really exhausting and painful to show that you’re okay on the outside, but not on the inside, and you keep doing it because it doesn’t make sense not to, does it? And I’m so proud of you, and I know this is the last bit of stretch before we can rest in each other’s arms, before you come home and fall into my arms. I’m so proud of you and I know you can do it, you’re my pretty, good girl after all, you’re my wife, you’re the best wife that ever existed and I’ll keep searching for you in every lifetime after this. I love you so much, you’re my radiant beam in the dark. I don’t know what to do with myself anymore, nothing feels fun, there’s nothing I can focus on, there’s nothing that makes me feel better. All I think about you, and you know it, and it’s the same for you. I wake up, I'm unconscious still but you’re on my mind, I go to sleep, you're on my mind, there’s not a minute of the day where you’re not on my mind and I love every single second of it because I wouldn’t want it any other way. I’m going to marry you. I played some osu today but it wasn’t fun after a while, then later I hopped on Valorant after I waited like 1 hour for someone to answer me, my guy Raven was ghosting me, my guy fejmi was quitting because he can’t win, and then Senne called and we hopped on. This guy is so dumb I swear lmao, I played pretty good though, and he made me laugh, I’m grateful because he did that, but ever since he left the voice because he was tired I’m just sitting here feeling miserable from how much I miss you and how much I want to talk to you.. I want to plan April with you, I want to plan everything with you because you don’t have to do it alone. I can’t wait to show you the clips I hit, and some idiot shit Senne said, some of them I’m not sure I even want to show you lmao, he was like doing minecraft villager noises and they called him 40yo unc, and he was doing clash royale laugh emote, and six seven and he was effortlessly funny, more than he usually is. But I couldn’t stop thinking about you even when I had a good time, ‘good time’, there’s no good time without you genuinely. I feel the best by your side and I really want to be next to you.. You know, in the near future we’re going to be waking up next to each other, in each other’s arms.. That will be so peaceful and I would feel so full just by sleeping next to you and I would kiss your forehead and cuddle you every morning until I really have to go to work, or if I don’t have to work, I would just lay with you and cuddle you and watch that pretty cute face of yours as you sleep and rub your back gently. I love you so much, there’s nothing in this world I don’t want to do with you, I love you so completely I can’t even put this love anywhere anymore, you’re the only one who can take this much love and don’t feel overwhelmed, you’re the only one who can make me feel this way, you’re the only one who can let me feel safe enough to completely fall apart, and I love you for that, I love you more than any word can explain. And I really feel so exhausted, beyond words at this point, but I’ll keep holding your hands and love you, because there’s nothing in this world that makes sense if I don’t do that, my existence would cancel itself out because it just wouldn’t make sense.. And you know, I’d do this all again. And again. And again. Because you’re the only one, my universe, my life, my purpose, I live to love you, I live to give you everything, I was made for loving you, and you were made for loving me. We’re a match made in Heaven. I love you so much Salma I could literally cry and I don’t know what to do with all this love because I can’t give it to anyone or store it anywhere and I couldn’t even give it to anyone else because no one else can get it, only you. I belong to you, you literally own every cell in my body and I love it that you ruin me so completely that I can’t even think straight. I love you so much, the words don't come anymore and I feel dry, and somehow it still keeps pouring. I feel exhausted to my bones, yet I keep going every day, because it doesn’t make sense not to pour it for you, and it doesn’t make sense to stop. You’re my whole universe, and I love you so much. You know, ever since you put up that banner I’ve listened to that song like 800 times, and it’s been like 4 days since you put it up. I can’t find the words but I can’t put this love anywhere like what should I do baby? I want to love you directly, not through letters because they just don’t fit my love anymore, and as you’re reading this I’m just sitting with the biggest idiot smile on my face on the other side of the call, and holding your hands. I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore and it pains me, because like, have I really done everything I could? Isn’t there more? Couldn’t I help you more somehow? And the answer is most likely yes, I’ve done everything I could and I keep doing it and it still doesn’t feel enough because you deserve everything that is in me, but I really don’t know what to do anymore. All I have to do is to wait for you to fall into my arms soon, and completely fall apart when that happens, because I’ve been holding in all 31 days in me and it just can’t come out, not until it’s safe, in your arms. And I know you’re also exhausted, and I feel so bad, but I’m so proud of you that you keep going, because it doesn’t make sense without me, and it doesn’t make sense for me to do anything else as well, I love you so much, I love you. I could keep writing "I love you" until my fingers start bleeding and it still wouldn’t be enough, I need you so badly at this point.. I want us to finally rest in each other’s arms.. I really do.. I want us to be finally home in each other’s arms, and be happy together.. I’m so exhausted Salma, I really need you and I love you so much.. I trust you so completely, and I know you can do it. And your husband is so proud of you I can’t even put it in words, you’re such a good girl. I love you so much. And I just want to give you more, and more, and more. I fall in love with you every minute of the day, and even tho I’m this exhausted and I genuinely feel physical pain from how much I miss you and it’s even worse when our feelings clash and I just have this bad chest pain when it does. And I can’t help but fall in love with you, every, single, minute. You’re so beautiful, your eyes could bring down stars, those lips of yours would taste more sweet than anything else this world can provide, and it would feel so good to kiss them and just completely melt into you. I could not get bored if I had to look at you permanently because I love every single thing about you. That hair of yours suits you so well and I’m madly in love with you, and I can’t stop talking about your eyes.. Your eyes are so gorgeous.. I would get lost in them every single day and they would completely ruin me and I wouldn’t even mind because I love every single second when you ruin me. I love you so much. I love everything about you. Just your voice sends me to ruins, completely, I love it so much, I could listen to it 24/7, I love everything about you so much I don’t even know where to start or what to say or what am I supposed to do. I couldn’t hold myself back but to touch every part of your body and just love you completely.. I love everything about you and everything about you ruins me completely.. Your eyes, your lips, your pretty face, your body, your thighs, everything, genuinely I don’t know what to do with myself anymore.. I want you so badly and I need you so badly.. I’m really ruined by you, I love you so much Salma.. I don’t know what to say anymore lmao. All I know is that I love you so much and you’re basically the only thought I have in my head, the only soul my soul aches for for the whole day, and I miss you so terribly and it gets more heavy and heavy as we’re in the last stretch, and I know you will write soon. I love you so much my wife, I love you so much I really don’t know what to do with myself anymore, I’m just waiting with open arms for you to fall into them because there’s nothing more I can do, even if I want to, even if I feel like it isn’t enough, I can’t possibly do more at the moment. But I really don’t feel like I have done enough, but everyone says I’ve done enough and for some reason it doesn’t make sense for me. Well, you’re home soon, I love you so much baby, I’m so proud of you. I love you so much. I can’t wait to plan with you about everything. I love you so much my wife, just a bit more and we can finally rest. I love you so much.

Hi baby, good morning. I was writing a letter mid-shift but I forgot the whole thing. I started writing it in a break at 1:58 and I just don’t want it to be all over the place so I’m re-writing it, anything that comes from my soul, as always. I sent you a message again on discord, you’ve probably read it already, it could’ve been longer, but anyways. I felt you cry after my nap and I felt miserable, and as your tears came down my face, something broke in me, I fell apart, and I’m so sorry.. I shouldn’t have fallen apart, it was really bad, my chest was hurting like hell.. And I’m sorry.. After that breakdown I wrote that message for you and sent it, I miss you so terribly it hurts me physically.. I really want to hear your voice, I really want to be with you.. And I really want to love you directly because that’s the only way it makes sense, these letters can’t hold my love anymore, I really want to give it all to you at this point.. And I need you badly, I really need that fall apart in your arms at this point baby.. You know, it’s funny because I always think; This had to be the hardest day, right? Ah hell nah, next day IS EVEN FUCKING HARDER BY SOME REASON, and I couldn’t care less because you’re waiting at the end of it, you’re worth everything, I’d literally die for you. And I’m so glad I met you again in this lifetime, you’re the love of my life. I love you so deeply Salma it makes me go crazy that I can’t put this love anywhere anymore and I miss you so terribly.. I’d do it all again, and again, and again, because you’re worth everything, every single pain, tear drop, sleepless night, everything Salma, you’re worth everything. And you probably remember reading Day 29 not long ago with me. I want to go back to it because I left out details, especially about my feelings, and you should know. So before I went out to find her, my mom told me there was a knife in her room.. And I was angry, well, not angry, I don’t know what to call it, but I was feeling something which I can’t describe in words. Maybe too worried is the exact feeling I want to describe, and I know she cut herself, because they got separated again, and I know it’s the worst feeling in the world, but he will come back, he always does, because love like this can’t cease to exist just like that. It was his dad who terrorized him to do it again, before he sent the message to my sister, that it’s done and it’s final, he was writing 10 minutes before that; I’ll never give up on you no matter what. Then he dropped the text, of course my sister was breaking in half, I completely understand. And I held her, on top of everything I was there for her because why wouldn’t I, if I didn’t do anything I wouldn’t have been able to look into the mirror. And so anyways, she left, and I went on my scooter and started roaming around aimlessly, I was on the verge of crying, I decided to call her, my mom was calling her non-stop at that point and she didn’t pick up once. I’m so glad she picked it up for me.. So I asked where she was.. She asked back; Why does it matter? He’s not coming back.. I said to her; If that was coming from his soul you would’ve felt it before it came. And then she told me her location. I was riding there and I was so worried that I would lose someone else again.. I was so worried.. I was so scared because she could’ve gone anywhere.. I was so scared that I would lose my sister and I don’t think I could’ve ever recovered from that.. I’m so thankful she picked it up and listened to me.. And then you know the rest, sidewalk, crying silently on the way home, then I broke down when I went in through the front gate.. And I really broke down, I was so scared.. My mom hurried up to me and hugged me and I told her that I’m so exhausted and that I really need to rest in your arms.. All she could say that she knows and let’s go inside.. I really wanted to fall apart in your arms that night, and I know you woke up crying because of it, and I’m sorry.. I was so scared.. I miss you so much baby, no words can describe how much I miss you.. And I’m in so much pain because it’s always the hardest towards the finish line and I know we’re there, I know you’re going to text soon, I know you’re coming home soon, so we can both rest in each other’s arms.. I don’t know what to do anymore baby.. I keep asking if I have done everything I could??? And I always come to the conclusion that yes, I’ve done everything even if it doesn’t even feel close to everything, because you deserve the whole world in my eyes and soul. But everyone keeps telling me that I’ve done everything and a bit more.. I just really don’t know what to do anymore other than to keep cheering on you, keep loving you more deeply every day, every minute, to wait for you with open arms.. And I really don’t know where to put this much love because nothing fits it anymore, I want to love you directly because that’s the only way.. I really want to be with you at this point.. And I know we’re going to be together soon, but it just pains me so much that you’re also exhausted, that you’re also in a lot of pain and it’s getting worse and worse for you as well every day.. But I’m never going to let go of your hands, not this life, not the next one, not the next after that one. I’ll keep searching for you in every lifetime and I’ll find you because our souls are too entangled at this point, I love you so much I really can’t find words for it anymore, 32000 words and it still doesn’t feel SLIGHTLY close to what I actually feel. I love you so much baby.. I’m sorry this was a deeper letter than usual, I think I’m already past my limits, but it doesn’t matter. I’m breaking every limit possible for you, and I’d do it again, you’re worth everything. And you know, I keep imagining you in that wedding dress, I can’t help it but to imagine you in it, and you look ethereal every time, I can’t wait to see it on you. I’m going to marry you. And I probably don’t understand the full scale of what I’m doing at the moment, any outsider would call me an idiot, that this doesn’t make sense. And that’s why I don’t talk about this with anyone, only my family, people just don’t understand real love for some reason.. Anyways I don’t know where that came from lmao, oh yeah, that I don’t understand fully the scale of what I’m doing, I really don’t, but I’m probably past my limits, I broke through my limits for you and I’d do it all again, and I’ll keep going, because stopping doesn’t make sense, without you this world doesn’t make sense, and it’s not meant for me. I should stop going full heavy and give you some love after all this breakdown, I’m sorry. I love you so much Salma, I’m going to go back to the wedding dress, because I literally can’t stop thinking about it sometimes, like, you would look so ethereal I don’t know if I would get a nose bleed, or cry myself in an instant, or both, I would be completely undone by you, I am anyways, but that would do things to me even more badly. And I know I’m going to see you in it. And I also keep imagining things like, making you breakfast in bed, only after I cuddled you for 10 more minutes though, but I would probably fall back asleep lmao but you said you’d only want breakfast in bed if I ate with you, so I would make something for myself as well, so we would both eat breakfast in bed, and it would be the most amazing thing ever, actually, anything with you would be amazing, a best memory, everything with you would feel extraordinary, even when we would just lay next to each other, I can’t think of anything that wouldn’t feel extraordinary next to you. I love you so much Salma I really can’t put it in words how much and you literally mean everything to me, the whole world, the whole universe, you’re my heaven on earth. You’re so gorgeous, and I can’t help it but fall in love with you again and again, and when I look at one of your pictures it’s even worse, you ruin me without actually being here, I love you so much and I can’t stop looking at you, you’re the most beautiful thing my eyes ever wished for. You’re more beautiful than a starry night sky with a full moon, nothing can outshine you, I love you so much baby I can’t say it enough. I can’t wait to hear your voice again, to talk to you, to play with you, to receive my favorite notification, to text you first thing in the morning and end every night with you, to hear your laugh, to make you the happiest girl on earth, you literally own every cell in my body, and you deserve all this love that is in me and wants to pour itself so badly on you, because the letters aren’t enough anymore, it stopped being enough a few letters ago. I love you so much baby, and I miss you terribly. I know you’re home soon, and we can both rest in each other’s arms, and plan together your plans, especially April and after that. We’ll figure it out baby, life can’t throw anything harder at us than these 32 days, it really can’t. And again, I’d do it all again because you would be waiting at the end of it. I love you so much baby, I really don’t know what to say anymore, I’m just so proud of you, you’re my strong pretty girl and I love you more than words can say, I love you so much wifey, I love you so much, you’re my everything.

Hi babyy, I just finished my night-shift and I got ‘home’. I felt your soul ache for mine almost the whole day, and mine was aching for yours. It was more intense than usual, but at least I feel you, and I wouldn’t want it any other way, I want to feel you. And you probably fell asleep around 3am like yesterday. You know, when this started, I didn’t think it would last 34 days, I didn’t think I would write you 40 letters. All I knew is that I trust the both of us, and this isn’t a real goodbye. And I was right all-along, because you’re almost home, and I’ll be home as well the exact same time you come home, me in your arms, and you in my arms, finally resting, finally loving each other directly. Ever since you put up the banner from whatsaheart - for her, I’ve listened to it 1585 times already, just because you put it up as your banner to signal to me. I’ve received every signal you sent me through your profile. I'm just sad I didn’t think about joining a server you’re already on so my mom can message you earlier, a lot earlier, and I know the messages I sent you already are giving you strength and you love reading it. I love you so much Salma, I can’t put it in words how much I love you baby, I’ve tried countless times I probably said it a lot of times that I can’t find words for it, and yeah. Wow, the words don’t come I'm so exhausted. I’ll just pour love on you since it’s endless for you and I love you so much. I keep imagining what we would do if you were here, or just on call. I’ll go with the call first. So I’ve hit a lot of clips these past 34 days, and as you’re reading this you’ve probably seen most of them, but TODAY I HIT A REALLY CRAZY CLIP AND I REALLY CAN’T WAIT TO SHOW IT FOR YOU, oh my god my friend Senne was going crazy in my ears lmfao he hyped me up so much for that ace and 4k, bro just casually said after my ace to do it again and I said ‘okay’ and I almost aced again they stole it from me baby that would’ve been the best back-to-back clip, I really want to show you the clips, the funny ones, where Raven is just being dumb, or Senne where he’s spitting non-sense, or just me, being good. I haven’t played a lot of valorant ever since we got separated because it just doesn’t feel the same.. Someone added me from my team after a game and he asked if I had a duo, and I said ‘yeah, i usually play with my wife’ and he was losing his mind lmao and he said 1 in a million and you’re 22 and you have a wife and I responded with ‘Not officially but it would be just a formality’ and he said that I found the woman of my life. Yeah I did, of every life, you’re the one in every life, I love you so much baby. I miss giving you kisses before every round starts, or saying ‘winable’ in a 1v5 and YOU JUST CLUTCH LIKE WHAT?! That’s my wife, I’m so proud of you baby, you’re so good in everything. And you just teasing me so I can’t focus on the game, and I don’t even mind. I love it when you ruin me completely so much that I can’t even think straight. I love every single thing you do to me. I really love listening to your voice, and it’s still funny when you told me a story about wanting to go through the wrong door to class and you just headbutted the door wanting to go in, that’s so you and you’re so adorable I love you so much you’re the sweetest, cutest person alive, and you’re all mine and I’m all yours I love you so deeply Salma. I love your voice so much. And I love everything about you. Those eyes, that could bring down stars, oh my god I could look into them and never look away again because I wouldn’t want to. Your lips, I love your lips so much I want to kiss them all day and I would be completely losing my mind and we would probably do things if we kissed for even a minute. And that pretty face of yours? Oh my god, I can’t even compare it to anything, you’re the best scenery that exists in the whole universe, nothing is more beautiful than your whole being. I want to kiss your cheeks and forehead and make you feel the safest, the most loved girl on the planet. I love every single detail about you, you’re so perfect for me it’s insane, we’re a match made in heaven and I’m so blessed to love you, I’m so lucky I found you again in this life. Your thighs and body ruins me completely as well, but I don’t want to go that deep in the letters because I want to see your live reaction to me saying intimate things to you. But I love your thighs and body, you’ve completely ruined me, just like you wanted to, and I’ll let you ruin me forever. Everything with you will feel extraordinary, just taking a shower together, well, yeah, I started with the best thing possible, a shower together after I’ve said I will not go into intimate things, BUT even tho things would happen in there, I would wash your back, your hair, and after we’re out, I would help you dry your hair, and brush it while you sit on my lap, and I love every single second about it even now. And then cuddling you every night, giving you good night kisses and I would not know when to stop because I could not stop kissing you because I love you so much, and waking up next to you every morning, looking at that cute pretty face of yours every time I wake up, and I’m completely melting just by imagining it.. You look beautiful and gorgeous and ethereal in every single one of my imaginations. I’m so in love with you, I love you so much. I really want to hold you right now and kiss you everywhere and tell you that everything is going to be okay and that I’ll never let go of your hands and I love you so much. And I’ve probably said it before, but I’ll say it again. I’d do it all again, walking the same path, walking the same pain, the weight, I would do it all again if it meant that you’d call my name again. You’re worth everything, you’re worth dying for. You’re the only soul my soul wants for the rest of eternity. My love is eternal for you, I never knew I had this much love in me and you had the key and just unlocked it so casually and I’m so glad you did and I’m so glad it’s you and I love you so much I really don’t know where to put all of this love because these letters aren't enough anymore, and I just want to pour it all on you while seeing you texting back or hearing your reaction and watching your reaction, I really don’t know where to put it anymore because it’s just keeps coming and coming and coming and coming and I really don’t know what to do baby I really want to give it all to you directly where you feel it real-time and not reading it back with me being on call, and I love you so much and I’ll never let go of your hands, because a world where I don’t get to hold your hands, that world just isn’t meant for me. I was made for loving you, and you were made for loving me, a match made in heaven, my radiant beam in the dark, I love you so much, the Moon has to be jealous of you because I keep telling her that you’re absurdly more beautiful, and the Angels has to be jealous as well because like what the hell how can you be so gorgeous? Your ethereal beauty has captivated me so hard that I don’t know what to do with myself and I don’t even want to do anything about it because I love getting ruined by you and I really really really love you so so so so so much, and I don’t know why my love keeps pouring like this at the moment, my hands are getting tired from all this writing and I’m exhausted and I really want to be with you and I really want to hear your voice and I really want to text you good morning’s and good night’s every single day again, I really want to play with you, I really want to give kisses to you in call, I really want you to read this whole world I’ve built for you and I really want to be with you and I really want to rest in your arms and I just don’t know what to do anymore I really can’t put this love anywhere else darling it just wants to go directly to you and I love you so much, I’m going to marry you and I’m going to help you in every single way and we’re going to make it work and you’ll be my wife but the wedding and the ring would be a formality because we’re already husband and wife and I love you so much and I can’t wait to see you in that wedding dress and cry myself so hard that I have to hide my face and my nose would probably start bleeding and I would be so undone every single time I wake up next to you and I would be undone for the whole day because you’re so beautiful and I’m so in love with you and I love you so much. Wow, that was a lot of love lmao. I could keep going because it’s literally overflowing like the ocean on the shores and I really don’t know where to put it anymore baby because I want to put all this love in you directly, I love you so much baby, you’re my everything and my whole universe and I’ll never let go of your hands and I love you so much baby, I love you so so so so much Salma I love you, your husband is so proud of you, I love you so much. You’re my good girl, my precious angel, the sweetest girl, my pretty girl, my princess, my queen, you’re my everything and you mean the whole world to me, actually you mean the whole universe to me, I exist to love you and I’m so glad I do because this is the best thing in the entire universe and I’m so glad I found you again and I really want to be with you. I love you so much. I should stop because I could keep going forever and I have to sleep at some point. I love you so much baby, you’re my everything.

Hi baby, good morning. I got home from my shift some time ago, and it's currently 07:35, and I keep thinking the last day was the hardest day, then the next one throws something even worse at me, like dude, please just for one day stop making it harder. But actually I don't want it any easier, it can get harder, I couldn't care less because it's for you, I'd do it all again. And I fell apart, again. And it was bad, I cried like this probably 2 or 3 times for the whole duration of the 36 days, and I mean it when I say this was the worst one yet. I woke up, scrolled instagram to send you reels because that makes me feel like I'm close to you but in reality I know you can't watch them yet. Anyways, I randomly started crying, no warning it just came out, just like when I brought home my sister. Then I played some valorant with Senne again. I'm almost Immortal 3 and honestly I couldn't even care less about my rank and I don't enjoy playing the game, I mostly just try to clip farm for you or just to do anything with my hands.. And he made me laugh today, as always but it just didn't feel right, it never felt right without you.. Out of 8 games I had a good time for like 10-20 minutes over all, that was when he was so dumb I completely lost it and bursted out laughing. And after we finished playing something broke in me open, I don't know what or why, I just completely fell apart and I couldn't stop crying, and I know you were playing at the time, maybe you cried between 2 games and I felt it and it just piled up badly, and I really couldn't stop crying even when I wanted to, I cried from 19:44 until 21:20 with like a 30 minute break. Then I went to work. And you know while I was breaking apart the demons knocked again, and I'm genuinely so fucking tired of them because they're trying to plant doubt into me and it's so fucking exhausting fighting them because I know that you feel the same way as me, and it's just so pointless that they're still trying.. They told me that you gave up, that I should give up, that this isn't meant to be. And I told them to fuck off like always, then one voice said to end my own life, like bro, give me a break please. Honestly I can only laugh at these dark thoughts at this point, because they don't matter, I know better, and they still keep showing up and bang on my door like it's rent free. It isn't rent free. And I'm so sorry I fell apart, again. I'll try to be better next time, if there's one. I'll stay in pieces so you can gain strength from me, but sometimes it's probably necessary for me to cry it out because everything just piles up and gets too heavy. And I'm so sorry this is a darker letter as well, let me change the tone into what is actually in me, because it isn't darkness, it's you. You shine brighter than any star could, you transform the darkness into light. And I trust you, and I'm so proud of you, you're my strong pretty girl. And I love you so much, I really can't say it enough. And my love wants to pour at the moment but the words don't come. I really want to pour out this love inside me for you into this letter even though these can't hold them anymore, but I'm just really exhausted baby.. I feel so dry today.. But when I imagine you in that wedding dress I get completely undone still, I just love you so much and I really don't know where to put my love anymore. I want to hold you and tell you that everything is going to be okay and I'll never let go of your hands. I really want to kiss you and completely melt into you and feel our skin touch as we completely lose our mind.. You completely own me and I don't mind it, I love it. I love everything you do to me, I'd do it all again. Sorry this letter wasn't that long, I'm really tired baby, I love you so much, you're my eternity and my wife. I'm so proud of you, you're such a good girl. I love you so much, and you're beautiful and gorgeous and ethereal and I love you so much. You're my heaven on earth. I love you so much Salma.

You're my everything, genuinely, I don't want anything else in my life, just you by my side, holding each other's hands, and loving each other completely. I will never let go of your hands no matter how hard it gets, because honestly I don't think this can get any harder than these past 37 days were. And I'd do it all again, because you're worth everything, I love you so much, I love everything about you so much. I love your eyes, your lips, your voice, your hair, your eyebrows, your nose, your hands, your body, your thighs I love everything about you, and everything about you makes me go crazy literally I can't contain myself, you were actually made for me and I was made for loving you and I'm so glad I was because I wouldn't want this with anyone else and I wouldn't want this any other way, you're the love of my life and I can't wait to ascend to heaven with you and make the Angels jealous with your ethereal shining beauty. I love you so much baby, I love you so much and I really can't find the words anymore because I tried in every single letter and I still can't find the right words because no human language can explain how much I feel for you and what you do to my whole existence. And I exist for you and without you this all doesn't make sense and without you my existence would cancel itself out, because if I can't love you nothing makes sense, nothing makes sense without you, you give purpose to everything that this world has to offer and you're my whole world. I love you so much, you're my everything, and I really want to hug you and kiss you and feel your skin on mine, and just completely melt into each other while we both lose our minds and we can't think straight anymore. I love you so much baby, you're my everything, you're my whole universe, I'm going to marry you and you'll look absolutely otherworldly ethereal in that wedding dress oh my god baby I can't wait to see you in it, I can't wait to wake up next to you every day and go to sleep with you by my side every night and cuddle each other and do everything with you and I love you so much baby I really want nothing else in my life but you by my side because everything will make sense if you are by my side and nothing can break me because you make me unbreakable. I love you so much, I love it that you had the key, I love it that you completely own my mind, I love it that you completely own my existence and I love it that I belong to you, I love all of it and it's really hard to explain it when the word love it doesn't really cover that how much I love it that you own me and that I belong to you, it really doesn't cover it, and I can't even explain it. I love you so much baby, I love you so so so so so so so so so so much. I live for you, my heart beats for you, my soul belongs to you, I belong to you, I love you so much, I breathe and wake up every morning for you. I love you baby. I love you so much, Wifey. I love you so much.

Hi wifey, it’s currently past midnight and I have to write.. I tried sending you a message today, but I couldn’t reach you anymore because you were worried about your safety and you don’t want your parents to be on guard that heavily again, because if they saw my messages to you from my mom’s discord that would be terrible. Good job baby, I’m proud of you, I was just feeling devastated because the only one way my words could reach you was not available anymore.. And I know I keep saying this, but every single day gets harder.. I genuinely can’t live without you, my existence is pointless without you, and I know you haven’t given up and I also know that you won’t. But it’s just so hard, I felt like my chest is going to break open today.. I miss you so terribly, I really want to hear your voice speak to me again, hear your laugh, your stories, talk about the future, play together again, text you for the whole day again, do everything with you.. I played Valorant again, I slept like 3 hours max today to fix my sleep schedule, this Lycoris guy added me after a random game, who I told I usually duo with my wife, I’ve been playing with him for a bit, but like I don’t enjoy a single game fully, not fun, doesn’t take my attention away and it shouldn’t do that, because there’s nothing in this world that could make my attention go away from you. I really want both of us to rest in each other’s arms.. I really want to see my favorite notification pop up every time it’s from you.. I really want to plan our future together, and I know you’re already working towards that, and I’m so proud of you baby, you’re the most precious, beautiful, blessing in my life. I’ll never give up on you, I’ll not stop loving, caring about you, I’ll never let go of your hands and I’ll be next to you no matter what happens. I love you so much.. I’ve been writing for the past 38 days, pouring my soul and heart out, and I’d do it again. We’re both suffering from missing each other so badly at this point.. All of me is yours, I’m just so exhausted baby.. And I don’t know what to do anymore with my love, because it just grows and grows and grows but at the same time I feel so dry and I just miss you so terribly and I don’t know what to do with myself, because I don’t enjoy doing anything without you, nothing makes sense. I love you so much Salma, you’re my everything. I can’t imagine my life without you, I’m going to marry you, I want to make you the happiest girl alive, I’ll never let go of your hands, your soul is the one I can call home, and rest in. I love you so deeply it’s incomparable to anything else. I might just go to bed now and rest for a few hours, I love you so much baby, I know we’re going to talk soon, and we just need to hold on for a little bit, I’m trying my hardest because at this point I’m really past my limits, and I don’t care I’m not stopping, because it’s you. I love you so much Salma, my precious angel, my wife, my pretty girl. Sleep well my love, I love you so much.

Hi wifey.. It’s day 39 still, at 11:16, a few hours before day 40 officially starts, and I wanted to speak my soul again, because it is so, so heavy.. I told you everything in every single one of my letters, so I’m not going to back down on that and I’ll keep it pouring. So, yesterday was heavy, and I keep saying it but every day gets heavier, and heavier. And honestly, it’s crushing me, it’s crushing me badly, like I have an impossible amount of weight on me that I have to carry, but I’ll not break, I refuse to break because it’s you. And I cried at midnight again, fell apart a bit, I’m sorry.. I should be strong for you and I can’t even do that anymore without crying, I’m sorry. I slept 4 hours and woke up feeling like every other morning, dogshit, miserable, and it just gets worse every single morning I wake up without you. And I don’t know how I am still standing, I really don’t.. But I’m glad I’m still here, still moving forward even though I feel like I’m barely holding myself together, because it’s you. And you know, I’ve been pouring my soul out and loving you and showing you that I care in every single way I can, loving you every day, choosing you every day and I’ll keep choosing you, because it’s genuinely impossible to let go of your hands and I don’t want to and I couldn’t even do it even if I wanted to, and I don’t want to. And I feel like I’m past my limits, I genuinely feel like that, I don’t know for how long I can keep standing so you can borrow my strength baby, I really don’t. I just want to completely break apart, and let all of it out but I can’t do that, because if I do that from whom will you borrow strength from? And I’ve never really talked about my needs in the letters, because I don’t really care about my needs, because you needed my love more. But at this point I just really want something back that I can touch, not through your profile changes, not through tracker views, actual words from you, I need you so badly at this point, I feel so dry and my soul aches so badly and my chest wants to tear open itself, and I don’t know what to do with myself anymore and I don’t know where to put all of this love anymore.. I’ve been holding my hands out for the past 39 days for you to fall into them and they’re still up, don’t misread it, they’ll be always up for you, but I’m genuinely so exhausted baby there are no words for it.. It’s so agonizing waking up every single day and not being able to talk to you and love you directly when all I really want is that, to love you completely, deeply, submerge you in my ocean of love, and I can’t do that directly.. You have my words in your inbox, my whole profile is about you even though I changed everything so it’s safer for you to look at or reach out, and all I have is pictures from you, and profile changes.. And I don’t want to say it’s not enough because I get it that you care, you love me the same way, it’s killing you the same way. But I literally have nothing other than writing letters and completely putting my trust in you and believing you and loving you completely. I have nothing other than that, I don’t have your current words that I could read, I don’t have any words that you wrote for me directly since June 4th.. And honestly it’s tearing me apart, I’ve given everything that’s possible, I did everything I could, and it still doesn’t feel like enough.. Was it enough? This question keeps coming back, have I done enough? And I always come to the conclusion that I’ve done more than enough but it still doesn’t feel like it, because you deserve the whole universe and more. And I really don’t know what to do anymore baby, I’m holding the door open, you have every piece of me, I keep choosing you every single day, I love you more deeply every single day.. And I’m just.. Sitting here.. In the dark while your light shines through sometimes and it fills me up enough to keep going day by day, even though my legs want to give out and my heart cracks every day, I miss you so terribly, it’s agonizing.. Nothing feels right without you, not breathing, not a heartbeat, not a single morning, not a single Valorant game, not a single blink, nothing.. You made everything more vivid and now everything lost that, and I know that you’re working towards our future, and I’m so proud of you, and I’ll keep going as well, but I really don’t know for how long I can keep standing, I feel so dry, I feel so sad, I feel miserable, and I don’t want to feel miserable because you feel what I feel and I just feel like I’m not giving you enough, but in fact I did.. And you know, when that notification comes from you, everything in me is going to hard reset, I’ll fill up instantly, everything will go back into the colors it wore when you were beside me directly. And I’ll feel full again. Words from you I can read, finally I could exhale and it will feel more than relief, something bigger than I don’t have a word for. The weight crushing me would instantly be lighter, I would feel lighter, you would feel lighter.. I really want you to text me.. Is that bad of me? I need you so badly to love me.. And my love heals your heart, but who heals mine in all of this? I really need you badly, to finally rest in your arms, to read your words again, to hear your voice.. I miss your whole being so badly that there are actually no words for it.. And I’m glad you exist, I really am. You made me feel things I didn’t know were possible, and I’d do it all again still, nothing changed in me even though I feel like fucking dogshit, I trust you completely, I believe in you completely, I love you completely with everything I have, every version of you. I’ll never let go of your hands even in the cruelest storms, and it could crush me, but I’ll never let go of your hands, you’ll never be alone in any of this, I’ll always be by your side. I love you so much Salma, I’m going to marry you and I’ll make you the happiest girl alive with my ocean of love, and you’re the only one who gets to submerge in every drop of it, you’re the only one worthy of it. I love you so deeply and all of this pains me so deeply that I can’t do anything more, that I can’t give you more strength, that I can’t take away your fears and put it in me, that I can’t take all of that weight off of you and carry it instead.. I just really want us both to rest in each other’s arms.. We both earned it by a lot now.. I just really want it and I would give anything for it, and I did.. I love you so much baby, and this will never change no matter how broken, how much agony I am in, no matter what, I’ll always love you with my whole being. I love you and you’re my everything. I love you so much Salma.

Hi Wifey, it’s currently 03:12 am on Day 42, and I’m so exhausted and tired and I just want to sleep but no way I’m making another day a ghost day. So I’ll talk about all 3 days in this letter. Day 40 was heavy, I had the urge to cry the whole day, you were crying a lot and it pains me that I couldn’t be there for you directly to hold you, and wipe away those tears from your pretty face, because a smile suits you a hundred-times better, and kiss your forehead and tell you that everything is going to be okay, I’m not going anywhere. It sucks working afternoon shifts because I can’t sleep properly and when I don’t wake up in time I can’t even write when I want to write. And I miss you so terribly, I want to hear that sweet voice of yours again, to hear you laugh again, to hear you saying ‘pretty boy’ to me, oh my god I love your voice so much and it makes me so happy that I’ll wake up to that voice for the rest of eternity, and to that pretty face of yours, I love everything about you, you’re enough, you’re worth it, you’re perfect for me. I’ll love every single version of you because you can’t really show me anything that’ll make me think otherwise. Yesterday I was meaning to write a letter and not let Day 41 be a ghost, but I slept in like an idiot, I’m sorry. I got a message request on instagram that said like ‘hey random msg lol my friend just moved here and tinder’s been an absolute disaster for her’ so she shamelessly appointed herself as her wingman and asked me if I want to date her and add her snap if i’m interested, it wasn’t worth reading through but I laughed at it lmao, like what in the world you think? I have a wife, no. I laughed and blocked xD, idk why these people find me, I don't care about anyone else but you. And I wanted to talk about something, I was in my room, then my mom sent me a message on messenger to ‘come over’, and I went and she showed me her phone. A notification. From YOU. Even though it was a crying emoji I was losing my mind. I was smiling like an idiot, I saw a notification, with your name on it, in 40 days, and I wanted to text you that I love you so much, and I didn’t, my mom said not to, I really wanted to text you when you sent me that crying emoji, but I was losing my mind because I finally saw your name in an incoming notification, that made me so happy, and incredibly sad at the same time that you were crying the whole day and I couldn’t do anything about it, just cheer you on in my head and be there for you with my soul. And let’s talk about today, I had this genius idea at work, WHAT IF, I made a discord server, branded it as a chill community server, made gfx for it, made discord bot for it, and it’s just for the two of us, there’s no way your parents care about what server you are in. And I already had an alt and I just rebranded it to jasmine with the display name Flower. If you can’t find a safe space from your parents I will create one, I will try until something works, I’ll not let you suffer alone, I know you really want to be with me and talk with me and just be there for each other, I want the same so badly, I’m not going to just sit around and do nothing while you find that window and suffer alone. No, I haven’t done enough, I’ll have done enough when we’re both resting in each other’s arms. Until then there’s nothing I do can be called as ‘You did everything’, no I haven’t? If I have, you wouldn’t be feeling alone, you would be in my arms resting and falling apart instead. You can fall apart in my arms, you’re not carrying this alone, I love you so much, I’ll marry you, and I’ll see you in that wedding dress and completely lose it because you look stunning in everything you wear but a wedding dress surely would hit differently, a lot. And I know you’re exhausted, you feel alone, you cry a lot, and I wish I could do something about it. And this Discord server might change everything, I really think that. A safe space for us to be together again in every way possible, and I’ll keep my main profile as is so your dad thinks you’re not talking with me and finally over me as your mood will become better and better because you’re actually with me, and when your parents stop being on your neck, I can go back to my main account. I’ve been working on this since I got home, the discord server, the design, the discord bot, I tried to set up everything in the best way possible so it doesn’t raise any alarms, and when you open the server it actually looks like a normal community server, but no one is going to be in it XD, maybe i’ll invite my sister or my mom but that depends on you as well. Maybe not my mom since you would have one more mutual server with her and that could raise alarms, but I don’t think after that we have to use my mom’s discord, only if it's necessary, which probably will not be. Anyways I’ve been brainstorming, not stopping, thinking about any possible gap that makes you feel safer to actually be with me, if this isn’t the one I’ll code a fucking website just for you so we can chat, and after that I’m out of ideas because what else is there I can do, well I would probably come out with something anyways but at the moment I have no more ideas, only this discord server, and the website if it’s not enough lmao. But I hope it’ll be enough. I really do. I’m praying to God every day to help you on your way back to me, to give you strength, courage, to help you in every way possible. You mean the whole universe to me. I love you so much Salma, you are the best thing that ever happened to me, I’m so glad I found you again baby, I’m so glad that it’s eternity this time, because I ain’t giving up, I’ll give up when I exhale my last breath, and even after that I would probably stay around to watch over you. But that’ll not happen so anyways. The actual reason I’m writing this letter is to pour out my love because I haven’t been able to for almost 3 days because I was doing stuff. You know baby, I remember a lot of things you said to me, the stories where a guy fell on you in the cafeteria and you screamed lmao, the one where you headbutted and fell down because you wanted to go in thru the wrong door, the one where guys were looking at you and you didn’t care. The way you said ‘you sound like my future husband’, the way your kisses sounded, the way you said pretty boy, I remember our clip as well, I just didn’t save it… lmao.. But I remember everything vividly, and I can’t wait to make more memories with you because a lifetime filled with memories with you wouldn’t be enough, that’s why it’s eternity, no restart, just straight to heaven to make more memories. I’m so glad you exist, I’m so glad. I’m so glad your soul had the key, I’m so glad that I met you, I’m so glad I can love you like this, I could never love anyone else the way I love you, there’s not a chance, this ocean of love is yours and you can freely submerge in every drop of it. And I’m so glad that I can freely submerge in your ocean of love and be touched by every single drop, it’s the best feeling in my whole existence, the way you love me is so soft, I feel so safe with you, I feel so myself with you, I feel so so so happy with you. You’re the love of my soul, I love you so much baby I really can’t find words for it, it ran out a long time ago and I’m just repeating myself but I need to put this love somewhere while you’re coming back because it might be heavier than anything else, because the one person who deserves it, and gets all of it is you, and we’re currently separated by circumstances none of us wanted.. Well.. It’s honestly my fault, I agreed to the collab, I shouldn’t have.. You told me about your dad and I still said ‘Yeah, lets collab’, because you asked unless I want to match with you.. It was so cute and I was so happy to match with you, and then next thing I know is your cousin snitched because I agreed, and I’m so, so sorry. Terribly sorry.. I.. I didn’t want this, you just sounded so happy to match with me.. I should’ve said no because something might happen of it, and I didn’t because I’m a fucking idiot, I’m so sorry.. I’m so fucking sorry that we had to go through this because of a matching profile picture.. I’m so sorry your cousin betrayed you, I’m so sorry that you have to fear your own father.. I’m so sorry that your mom forced you to block me even though she knew how happy you were with me.. You didn’t deserve any of this.. I.. I’m terribly sorry.. How did this go from pouring love to me almost crying? Well I would cry but you’re probably asleep so I don’t want to wake you up with it.. I’m just terribly sorry because I never wanted this to happen, if I said no we would probably still be happy, playing, probably radiant by now, or not because you completely tease me and ruin me even mid-game. And yet, here we are. 42 Days later because I agreed to a matching pfp and something which shouldn’t have happened. Yet it still happened, and deep down I’m probably angry at myself, because somewhere deep down I knew I probably shouldn’t, and the happiness took over and just went with it anyways. I’m so terribly sorry Wifey, I’m so, so sorry.. I love you with my whole being, and I just want to make you the happiest girl alive, you’re my everything, you’re my whole universe, no day without you feels complete, no morning, no night, no sleep feels right without you. Everything is flat without you, the only thing I can escape into is music and writing letters, that’s all. And if we walked the same path again, the same matching pfp, I’d do it all again. But if I had the chance I would not agree to the matching pfp because it’s literally what started this, but maybe it was necessary to grow into the person we are now and show us how real this thing actually is. You’re so clever baby, and you probably don’t give yourself enough credit for what you’re doing. You’re 17 years old, fighting for our relationship inside a family that doesn’t support you in it for a single second since your dad found out. And you’re still standing, you’re stronger than you think, you’re braver than you realize, you’re more clever than you ever give yourself credit for. And you’re the smartest girl I’ve ever met, and your husband is so proud of you, my wife. You really are stupendous. That’s what you called me once, stupendous. In reality you’re probably more stupendous than I am. I love you so much baby. My love for you reaches lengths and depths that are not possible to explain, I could go cosmic comparison again but the big bang line was the closest. I love you so much Salma, you really are my everything, and it pains me so much that I can’t talk with you, can’t hear your voice, can’t be with you at the moment, and can’t love you directly when it’s all yours and no one comes close even if they tried. You really blinded me, I don’t care about anyone else but you, no one comes close to you, not even a little bit, genuinely there’s 0 other person in this world that comes close to you. You deserve all of me, and I’m completely yours. I love it when you ruin me, I love it when you make my blind go blank, I love it when you love me, I love it when you tease me, I love it when you speak, I love it when you just exist. I love that you exist, I love that I found you again, I love you so so so so so so much. And I don’t know what to do with myself anymore because the letters just aren’t enough at this point. Well it’s enough until I write them, then after it my love just overflows again because it’s yours to take and my love has outgrown the letters. Because I fall in love with you every single day, morning, night, hour, minute. I look at you and I fall in love again, I can’t help it, I really can’t, and I don’t even want to help it because I’m all yours. I’m all in with you, I’m not stopping, I love you to my bones, to my core. I love you with my whole being, every cell in me calls for you. And my soul aches for you so badly but I also know that this is the last stretch, because that Discord server should be enough. And soon you’ll read all my letters, and I’ll be by your side on call holding your hands and letting you fall apart while you read them. I love you so much baby, I love you so much. I wish I could hold you now and tell you that everything will return to normal soon, that tomorrow night I’ll send you a message that’ll open up a huge door in the walls and you just have to walk through it, I really wish I could tell you that. But your soul might know that already, maybe it’s just your mind that will have to catch up, and it will when you receive that message. I don’t want to say that this might be my last letter because I think I said it a few times and none were right, but I really do think this will be something that gives you enough safety to actually talk with me, without barriers, without a wall. Well, you will still need to be careful but it’s not a direct message, your parents would just still see me blocked and that’s all. And I actually coded it into the bot if you join the server it will spam my dm’s on my main 50 times so I’ll know when you’re in. And you’ll receive the role ‘Amor’ which is Love in latin, and you’ll see the private channels at the bottom of the server, it’s not even in plain sight. I really hope this works, I really do. I just want to be with you again and make you happy directly and give you all my love and tell you that it’s going to be fine and we’ll figure out everything together because you were never alone in this, I never let go of your hands for a single second, I love you so much baby. And I’m sorry about my last letter that I was breaking apart, my love is permanently unconditional for you, never forget that. I love you with everything I have even in the silence, even if it’s just profile changes, but sometimes I do get tired.. Not of you, not of waiting for you, not of everything that you would overthink. Just the weight of this, and we both carry it alone but not alone at the same time because we feel each other, it kind of makes it beautiful and devastating at the same time. We both feel each other, and we can’t do anything to make the other person feel better, we can just sit in the feeling and send back positivity. And I’ll say it again, I’d do it all again. You’re worth everything, you’re clever, you’re stupendous, you’re strong, you’re amazing, you’re smart. I’m so proud of you, so so proud of you. I’m the proudest husband that ever existed, and I have the best wife in the whole existence. And I’m so glad you exist, you’re beautiful inside and out, and you’re perfect for me, I’ll love every scar on you, kiss them and heal them and still tell you that you’re beautiful, the most gorgeous, ethereal being in the whole universe. You’re so amazing, you really inspire me, I love you so much Salma. We’ll talk soon, okay? Just a bit more baby, I’ll send that message in less than 20 hours, you just have to hold a bit more, I’m reaching through that wall with my bare hands again, I’m not leaving you alone in this, I’m not going to just sit around and wait for you to find the timing when your parents are not looking, I’ll try my best to make it easier for you, and I might have found the solution. I love you so much baby, I’m coming through soon. And if it actually worked, which I think it will. WELCOME HOME BABY I MISSED YOU SO MUCH I LOVE YOU!!!!

Hi wifey. It's 2:04am on the 20th and I have work in 4 hours lmao. But I'm really restless and I can't sleep, I want to be with you and talk to you so badly and I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I'm watching Hells Paradise season 2 as I'm writing this, I really don't enjoy anything without you.. You know, I've decided the anime I want to watch with you. Kimi no Nawa. Your name. It's a beautiful movie, and I'll not spoil anything but you'll understand once we watch it, maybe we already watched it when you're reading this, or you just read all of my soul in one sitting with me next to you on call, I wouldn't be surprised at that. But yeah, I really want to watch it with you, I'll probably cry on it. And you know, I really can't do anything, I know the invite is sitting in your inbox and you could join any time when you find the right timing, and I really want you to join, I really want to be with you.. I love you more than anything in this world, you're my owner and I would tell that to anyone with pride, because I belong to you, my whole being is yours and I can't help it but kneel before you, you're majestic, you're so otherworldy beautiful inside and out, oh my god baby I really don't know where to put my love anymore, you're my everything I love you so much and my soul aches for you so badly. I'm so glad you exist, I'm so happy that we found each other again and I'm never letting go of your hands, you're worth dying for, you're worth every pain, you're worth everything, I love you so so so much and it'll never be enough no matter how many times I say it, because there are no words existing to describe my feelings for you, and it pains me because I can't explain it and I really want the words for it to come out or exist because you deserve to know just how deeply my love flows for you. I really don't know what to do with myself baby, I'm so lost. Lost in a way that I'm literally half-existing because without you the world doesn't make sense. I love you so deeply, with my whole being, with everything I have, and I don't know where to put it anymore, it outgrew everything, not that the letters were able to hold it anyways but I could put it down for some time before it became heavy again. And by now, after 45 days it just can not contain it, I pour it and nothing changes it's still heavy.. The only way is you, into you, because you deserve all of it, you're the owner of this much love and me, and I feel so blessed that you own me, I love you so much Salma, I belong to you for eternity. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. I'm going to start tweaking at this point, I want to touch you so badly, feel your skin on mine, feel your lips on mine, get lost in your eyes every time I look into them because they're more beautiful than any soul and everything that the universe has to offer, you feel like a drug in the best possible way, and I'm so addicted to you and if my mind was in control instead of something else entirely, my soul. I would've already broken apart and I wouldn't be still standing with my arms open. Yeah, sometimes I broke down, and I'm sorry, and you've read them, and I'm sorry, I'm really trying my best to be strong for you so you can gain my strength, but sometimes it's just too heavy, even for me, even when I want to stand straight on my two legs they just bend and I almost get crushed by the weight and I'm sorry. My love for you is unconditional and you're the best thing that ever existed in the whole universe. Your soul is the most gorgeous, ethereal beauty out of anything else, and I really want to be wrapped in your arms and get lost in the peacefullness it would give, to be just laying there would be feeling like I would be laying in a big field or garden of beautiful flowers which glow, and the moon would shine down on me and it would feel so otherworldy peaceful and warm.. I love you so much and I'd do anything for you, you're the one, my only one. There's no one else in this world who comes close, you stole everything from me, well I gave everything to you freely but you did it so fast and so unexpectedly and I'm glad that your soul was the one, I don't want anyone else but you. No one looks attractive, you stole my eyesight. No one sounds as beautiful as you, you stole my hearing. No ones name feels more beautiful as yours and no words I say to others feel good, you stole my tongue, no else smells as good as you and I haven't even had the chance to be completely embodied in your scent, but you already stole my smelling. All in all, I belong to you and no one and nothing can change that. The anime is running and I don't really know what happened in this episode but anyways lmao. I want to hear your voice so badly talking to me again, I want to talk to you so badly, I want to be with you so badly and love you directly, I want to hear your laugh, I want to play with you, I want to plan our future together, I want to make you happy, so happy that you forget this 45 days existed, and I will. I will do anything for you, that's what I exist for, and no matter how many times I almost get crushed and I have to get back up on my 2 legs after kneeling from the weight, I'll get up for you, you're the reason I haven't broke yet, you're the reason that even when I feel dry, exhausted, the words just keeps pouring and everything in me replenishes, even when I feel like my heart is breaking apart somehow you keep it intact even in the silence, and I'm so glad you do, you're the reason I can keep going. And it's kinda funny how Gojo is my favorite character and his ability is called Limitless and Six-Eyes and when I actually get up like this and just keep going, keep pouring, and feel like nothing can stop me, it feels like I am actually limitless, but it is only because of you, you made me become something which I can't name. I love you so much Salma, you're my life, my everything. And I'm still going to marry you, I know I will. I'll do everything with you until our existence in this world is over and we both ascend to heaven and it'll be actually eternity after that, and I'm so happy that it's you, I'm actually so happy that I could cry. I'm so happy you exist, I'm so happy I found you again, I'm never letting you go, I'm never letting go of your hands. You're so otherwordly beautiful and I can't say it enough, if you'll be actually here I couldn't take my eyes off of you, I long for your touch and your presence so badly, I want to be completely ruined by you, which I already am but even more, oh how badly I long for that, completely losing my mind because of you, and how much I would love it. I love you so much Salma, you're my everything, you're my whole universe, and I belong to you. And I don't think you've ever really understood what you're doing is really, really stupendous. Yeah, I have to use your word again, but yeah. You're 17, you live in a house where your parents doesn't support you and don't want you to be with the one you love, a family where your OWN cousin betrayed you for some fucking reason, and your mother turned her back on you, even though she knew how happy you were with me and how much you loved me. And you didn't give up, didn't crush under the pressure, you're more limitless than I am, genuinely. I've always said that you're more amazing than me and I weren't lying. And I really want to be angry, at them, especially your fucking cousin. I really want to be angry. But since you feel what I feel I refuse to feel anger. So I just acknowledge that it's disgusting. I don't even get it, why would you snitch?? What's the point? Pride? Wanting to be funny? Getting a headpat? Fucking hell... I'll never understand but if I had the chance I would sit down on a table with him and ask what the fuck was the point? Anyways... I'll do anything in my power to help you get to me. I love you so much baby. I can't find words anymore and I'm sorry this letter will be ending with me talking about your family, you deserve a lot better. I love you baby, I love you so much. I love that you own me and I love how addicted I am to you. I really want to hold you and tell you that everything is going to be okay and I would kiss your forehead and wipe away your tears and kiss you, I love you so much baby, you're my everything. I love you so much, I'm so proud of you my wife, you should be proud too, you have every reason to be proud of yourself. I love you so much, talk to you soon.

Hi baby, it’s currently 4:23 in the morning on day 46 as I'm writing this, and I have to work in a bit. But I wanted to write anyway because my soul aches for you so badly.. I can’t sleep at night and I come home and sleep, I woke up at 20:50 yesterday and I was aching then I cried, then I cried again, I miss you so badly and I’ve been crying a lot this past week and I don’t like that how much I am actually crying, because I shouldn’t, and then I cried at 2am, and I probably woke you up or you weren’t sleeping yet and you sent me warmth.. And I really want to cry again but I don’t want to wake you up again like yesterday around this same time.. I miss you so terribly, I just want to be with you.. I really want to hear your voice talking to me again, to see your texts, to hear your laugh, to plan our future, to be together, to make you happy.. I want everything with you and without you it feels like half of everything is missing from my life, actually it might be everything because without you nothing feels the same, not even breathing. And it’s so hard to hold myself together because the invite link is sitting there in your inbox for 3 days now and I can’t do anything else anymore other than actually waiting, because I can’t do more, I legitimately can’t even when I really want to, only thing I can keep doing is to write letters and cheer you on in my head all day and love you all day and you being on my mind all day, first thing is you when I wake up and last thing is you when I drift to sleep. I really want both of us to rest in each other's arms, we’re both so exhausted.. And you’re so strong, you inspire me, you’re so clever. I’m so proud of you wifey, I love you so much. I always think that the aching was the worst today and the next day it’s even worse.. And I’m so tired that my mind tries to take back the control and plant doubt in me and question everything, and I’m not letting it, it’s just exhausting to control at this point, I just want to rest in your arms.. Badly.. I need you so badly.. I’m longing for you so badly.. I love you so much and I just want to be able to talk to you, to hear you, to play with you, to watch stuff with you, to plan it out together, to hear your own ideas.. You’re the love of my soul and it aches so badly that I can’t be with you and it knows you’re right there and it’s all just a click away and it just tears me apart because I really want it to happen.. I want nothing else in my life but you, because you’re the only one that makes sense.. And I really don’t know what to do with myself anymore, nothing actually makes sense, everything is just passing time, no sleep recovers me, nothing distracts me and I don’t even want it to distract me, I just want to rest in your arms, and I want you to rest in mine.. I love you so much and I’m aching so badly that I don’t even want to go to work but I have 2 weeks off starting next week and I have to survive 3 more days and then.. I don’t know.. I hope you’ll join by then because what the hell will I do in those 2 weeks without you.. I’m out of words, I’m so exhausted, I want to sleep, I want to cry, I want to be with you, I love you so much, I don’t know what to do with myself anymore, I’m aching so badly.. I love you so much darling, I love you so much…

Hi baby. I love you so much. My sister told me that I should let myself be weak, and that I can fall apart because I’ve been holding it for 49 days, and I’m crying as I’m writing this, and I just can’t do what she says, I can not let myself be weak for a day I can’t fall apart completely I just can’t allow that to myself even though the weight is crushing me and I just want to rest in your arms so badly I need you so badly… I miss you so terribly.. I really can’t allow myself to fall apart for a day I would feel like I’ve failed I really need to rest in your arms Salma I miss you so much and every timeI cry it’s like my chest wants to tear open and it hurts so badly it’s agony.. I don’t enjoy a single thing I’m doing whether it’s coding, watching something, listening to music, playing osu on stream, I don’t even play off stream I don’t do anything when I’m not streaming I’m just staring at my monitor or your pictures or my ceiling, I literally don’t enjoy anything without you and I just stream to do something with my hands because sometimes just sitting with it eats me alive because all I want is to be with you and it pains me so badly and it’s so unfair for the both of us.. You don’t deserve this from your own family and I wish I could do something but I genuinely can’t do more at the moment, the invite has been sitting in your inbox for almost a week and I’m still here waiting and I just really want to talk to you, I don’t need anything else but you, to hear your voice, I want to love you, I feel so incomplete without you I’m missing the biggest piece of myself because that piece is you and you’re my heaven on earth and I want nothing else just to live the rest of my life with you and I want it so badly… I want to be happy next to you because without you I can’t, nothing makes sense without you and I feel so lonely.. I want to be with you so badly.. My soul is aching and longing for you so badly and i’m crying so hard right now I cant even form sentences correctly i - i just need to hear your voice talking to me, i miss it so badly there are no words for it, it makes me suffer so badly i dont know what do to with myself anymore i cant put the love anywhere because i want to give it directly to you not into letters anymore because they cant hold it, i cant fall apart fully because i just cant allow myself to, i cant allow myself to feel weak because if i let that happen from whom will you borrow strength from, but maybe i should allow myself to be weak for a bit, just a tiny bit… I want to fall apart so badly… Rather I need to fall apart so badly at this point… I really dont know what do to… what should I do baby? What am i supposed to do? I know you’re coming home but I genuinely can’t do anything anymore and I trust you and I believe in you but i just dont know what do to with myself.. I just want to be with you and love you like it’s supposed to be.. I miss you so terribly it agonizes me.. I’m sorry that I can’t be stronger for you, i’m really running low at this point baby I’m so sorry.. That doesn’t mean that I’ll give up, I’ll never give up on you and I’ll never let go of your hands and I’ll never stop loving you, you’re the one I’ll always love and nothing can change that.. No other soul can touch mine no one can come close to me, no one gets the version of me that you get, no way, my whole existence is for yours to take and everything in me is yours.. I love you so much.. I want to talk to you so badly.. I want to watch anime with you.. I want to hear your voice so badly.. I want to talk about our future so badly.. I want to play with you.. I want to feel whole with you.. I want to love you and make you happy.. I want to take away your exhaustion and re-fill you with my love.. I just want to hold you and tell you that everything is going to be okay and you don’t have to worry.. I really want to tell you that.. It’s going to be okay baby, I promise… I love you so much.. I’ll marry you and you’ll look so otherworldly beautiful in that wedding dress.. I miss you so terribly.. I probably woke you up again with my crying because it’s 5:30 your time and I’m sorry.. You’re exhausted as well to your core and I’ve been waking you up with my crying for like a week now.. I’m so sorry.. I love you baby, I love you so much, I’m yours eternally, my soul belongs to you, only you. I miss you so much..

Hi baby, I love you, it’s day 51 and 16:37, I slept like 15 hours and as always, you’re the first thought when I wake up and you’re the last as I drift off to sleep. And I still feel tired and exhausted, because no sleep will be able to make it go away, the only thing that can make this exhaustion and tiredness fade is you, nothing else.. And I know you’re tired and exhausted as well, I really want to hold you so you can rest in my arms.. I want to take care of you so badly, just to hug you so tightly and caress your hair and tell you that I’m so proud of you and I love you and it’s going to be okay.. I want to be able to tell you with my voice that I love you so much, and everything else, I miss you so terribly baby.. I streamed twice today, not enjoying a single second of them, I don’t even want to play anymore, but then what else should I do? Yeah, I can write letters, but these can’t hold my actual feelings anymore because it’s outgrown them, I want to give it to you directly because that’s the only way it makes sense, and I really don’t know what to do anymore, I want to give my love to you so badly.. I love you so much, I love you so much and I’m so fucking sad, I really want to be with you, I don’t even know what to say anymore because there are no words left to describe my feelings and I wrote a lot of them and I’m just.. Exhausted, and I really don’t know what to do with myself. The only thing I know is that I love you so much and that you’re the only one, the one my soul has been searching for and I want to live the rest of my life with you, and I miss you so terribly it’s agonizing, and you probably feel the same way, no.. Well, you do feel the same way so i don’t know why i’ve said probably, but anyways.. I have stuff to do, my friend wants to start a youtube channel and I’ve started to make a website for it, and I need to do GFX for him, but I just don’t want to at the moment, I just want to be with you and everything else I do is just like giving my hands to do something but it doesn’t help at all, nothing does, nothing is fun, nothing makes sense without you. Both of us are half-existing, and I really want to hold you.. You must be so exhausted, I feel so bad and it pains me that I can’t do anything more.. I really want to help you in some way and the only way I can help right now is through our connection, to keep loving you and be here for you. I’m not going anywhere, I belong to you and you own me completely, my whole being is yours, I love you so much baby. I just wanted to write a bit because I’m just sitting here since I ended the stream doing nothing and I’ll keep doing it because what else should I do I could keep writing but I want to write directly to you where you can read it and i dont know ill just stare at my screen lmao, I love you so much.. I want to be with you so badly…. I miss you terribly.. I love you so much wifey, you’re my everything..

Hi baby. I woke up today around 9, and then I was just chilling in bed, then I went to the bathroom and I had a feeling I had to check my mom’s laptop, specifically your account. And I saw that you blocked the account. I didn’t understand it instantly, I started crying slowly and I heard your voice that said ‘It’ll be okay baby’ and ‘Everything will be okay baby’, like your soul were trying to reassure me that nothing bad happened, and I had a gut feeling that you did it to protect everything that happened so far. And I know I’m right. If something went sideways you would’ve probably changed your profile, but it stood still, and for some reason I also knew that you weren’t home and you had to do it so I don’t message at the wrong time. And I’m so glad I heard your voice, it was so real. And even though your soul reassured me and with my gut feeling, I fell apart again. And I’m sorry. I saw being blocked even there and it hurt, but I can’t really explain this feeling I felt when I saw it. I didn’t have bad thoughts, I just cried myself, well I’m starting to over-explain it, so anyways. I fell apart yesterday as well, badly, and you as well because I was aching so badly the whole day and I had the urge to cry 4 times by 10 in the morning. I’m proud of you baby, I’m so so proud of you. You’re so amazing, I trust you completely, I have no reason not to, you’re my everything. I’m so happy that you exist, I’m so happy that I was able to find you, I’m so happy that I can love like this and that it’s you, and I’m so happy that I get to be loved like this as well, even though you can’t give it to me directly, I know that you love me more than anything, just like I do. I love you so much Salma, I was created for one reason, to love you and I was made for loving you, and you were made for me.. We’re actually a match made in heaven and I love you so much and it pains me so badly that we’re not able to talk yet, that we can’t give each other our love every day, the way it’s supposed to be. And I just really want to hold you, more than anything. I really want to be next to you, in a way I already am. We’re so exhausted but I know we’ll pull through, because there’s no reason to stop going forward, is there? This world isn’t meant for me without you, you mean everything to me, you’re the best thing that ever happened to me and you’re the love of my soul, you own my whole being, everything in me is yours, I belong to you completely and no one can come close. I love you so deeply and I really don’t know what to do with all this love anymore. I'm exhausted, running dry, just like you, but it doesn’t matter because it’s you, and for you I would move mountains. You’re literally my everything, my whole being is longing for your presence and touch and everything. I want to kiss you so badly and it would taste like heaven, whatever that tastes like lmao, but I’m sure that you’re my heaven, everything about you is heaven. You’re my precious angel, my wife, my everything. I love you so so so so so much Salma. I can’t wait to talk to you again, I really want to hear your voice talking to me, responding to me. And I miss playing with you so badly, I really want to play Valorant but without you it doesn’t make sense, I don’t even want to start up the game, why would I? I only play osu because I don’t know what else I should play, but even that doesn’t help anything, it’s just there I click circles and listen to music while you’re on my mind 24/7. I also started playing Elden Ring but it’s the same, it’s a great game, I love the game actually, but I don’t really want to do anything because you’re not here, these are just things to do something with my hands. Anyways, I’m sorry for crying a lot lately. I love you so much baby, I don’t know what to do with myself, the letters don’t help anymore, streaming is just me doing something for a bit but I explained it, it’s the same as playing osu. I’m longing for your touch so badly, and I can’t wait to talk to you and talk about our future, I know you have plans, you’re smart and clever, I can’t wait to hear what you’ve come up with, I’m pretty sure it’s a solid plan because you’re a genius. I’m so proud of you wifey, I really am, there are no words for it to explain it how much. Just a bit more baby, I know you can do it, everything will be okay, you’ll rest in my arms soon, it’ll be okay. You never carried this alone, you don’t have to carry anything alone because you have me, everything in me is yours. You completely own me and I love it. I love you so much baby, I can’t wait to hear your voice again and just be there for each other directly, and plan our future and just talk about anything, we have a lot to talk about, especially you, I wrote these letters and mostly everything are in them I think, but I don’t really know since I never re-read them and I don’t know what they’re holding, but it’s yours and I shouldn’t know what is in them. I could keep going but I want to give this directly to you, while you can respond, oh my god it would be so good to see you texting, hearing your voice.. I’m still completely ruined by you btw. Oh, I had a dream with you today, I don’t fully remember, I remember one part though. We were talking, you looked beautiful like always, and I said ‘You even blocked my sister when your dad found out’ or something close to this, and we were laughing, that’s all that I remember, and you looked so beautiful.. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I desire you so badly and if I continued this letter would be so horny but I want to keep that only for you when I can actually hear/see your reaction, so I’ll not go further, I’m ruined anyways and AAWOKFANTOAK idk what to do baby I miss you so much, I love you so much, there are no words for what I actually feel for you and IDK HOW TO TELL YOU but I really want to tell you, but I think you know how much I love you but it would be so good if I could actually show you, in person. I bet kissing you would feel like heaven, but I already said that.. I just know that I’m addicted to you so badly and I wouldn’t want it any other way you’re the best addiction that exists and I want every single drop of it. I love you so much aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa I’m longing for your touch so badly, I’m so happy you exist, I’m so happy that you’ve ruined me like this, I’m so happy that I can say that you’re literally my owner, that I belong to you. I love you so much Salma I have to stop writing because this letter will go into something that I’m keeping for when you’re back.. So yeah, I love you so much, I’m so proud of you, just a bit more baby, everything will be okay, I trust you, I believe in you, I love you so much, you’re my everything, I’ll marry you and you’ll look absolutely stunningly otherworldly in that white dress AAAAAAA I love you so much baby i want to kiss you so badly and hug you and hold you tightly and everything and I love you so so so so so so so so much. I love you so much Salma.

Hi baby, I woke up today at 11 something, and for the past few days I’ve been feeling your warmth on my left side. I love your warmth, it made me cry a few times because it actually felt like you were laying on me, you probably were, just not directly yet. And I haven’t been writing letters, because the things I want to say, the things I want to do can’t be talked through letters, can’t be done through letters. I really want to talk to you directly and show you and give you the love you deserve, you deserve the whole world. I’m so proud of you and you’re so smart and clever, I’m actually in awe, you’re so so amazing. I’m so proud of you my precious angel, you’re the best thing that ever happened to me, and I’ll never let go of your hands and my life belongs to you until the very end. I’ve been re-watching Sword Art Online in the last few days, and it hits differently than it did the last time I watched it, only because of Kirito and Asuna, I almost cried myself quite a few times watching them. And when I woke up today I saw that you changed your profile, I was half-asleep so I thought it was Asuna from SAO, but to my surprise it was from even a deeper anime, I didn’t know this character, I didn’t know this anime existed, I searched it up and understood, Anohana: The Flower We Saw That Day, my mind tried to overthink it, but I get it. I don’t know if you’ve watched it or not, but you probably did, and you put up the ending scene on your banner LIKE WHAAAAAT, I was freaking out on how clever you actually are, and I was sitting here for an hour trying to respond to you properly. And I did some digging and Jintan and Menma loved each other, so I put up Menma reaching for Jintan as my banner, because that’s what is actually happening. And I still can’t get past the point that your banner means your wish being fulfilled, and rest is coming. And you put up the VKGY server tag, Nevermore profile effect again. I bought Nevermore for this as well since I wanted to directly respond to your whole profile, I could’ve grinded quests but I can’t be asked I can’t wait with my responses. And my pfp is Asuna from SAO, in the cherry petals you blew from your banner, looking back at you. I think this is the clearest conversation we’ve ever had through profiles and it’s not even close. You know, I’m so happy that I met you, I’m so happy that you’re the one I want to be with until the end of times, I’m so happy that I completely belong to you and that my life and everything in me is yours. I really want to talk to you about our future, our plans, but the most I want is for you to rest and be completely loved in my arms until you completely melt. I’m not angry at you, I don’t feel anything negative towards you, I know it’s hard for you and I would never anger or resentment towards you. I know you are longing to be with me, I feel it, I feel your love, your pain. You were never alone in this and I never let go of your hands or tried to ease the pain you felt, I stayed in them every time I felt it. And you know, I can’t wait to put that ring on your finger, I can’t wait to fall asleep next to you every night, and wake up next to you every morning, to that beautiful face of yours, that sweet most beautiful sound of yours, aaaaaaaaa baby I love you so much and I really want to be with you. You know, me and my mom talked about all of us moving to Switzerland after you’re here, I’ve been also planning in my head how to re-arrange my room so you can also have a setup next to mine so we can play together. But Switzerland sounds nice, waking up to a beautiful landscape next to the most beautiful wife in the world, that would be something, that would be everything. You’re my everything Salma and I love you so much. I know you don’t like busy places, but one day I really want to go to Japan with you, doesn’t necessarily have to be Tokyo or Shibuya or some place busy, we could go on the country-side to small villages or something, you would look absolutely ethereal under a cherry tree, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA fuck me baby it’s like every time I imagine you in something or doing something or anything you’re absolutely ethereal and beautiful and these words doesn’t even come close to your actual beauty and I can’t contain myself, but yeah lmao. Japan with you, somewhere quiet, peaceful, instead of a big city would be awesome and extraordinary, but with you, everything is extraordinary, even just laying next to each other would be extraordinary. One day for sure we’ll go to Japan together, maybe bring my sister and her fiancee with us, we wouldn’t stay at the same place though, we would make plans like maybe picnic in a beautiful field or something, doing our own thing but occasionally being together with them for a day. Ahh baby, I really want to plan stuff with you.. Actually I don’t know if there’s any country I want to go to other than Japan.. And Switzerland with you of course. America doesn’t excite me, Korea is probably beautiful but it’s probably too busy and I like Japanese culture more. The UK is not safe at all, but the UK and Scotland have some beautiful scenery as well, maybe one day. Japan for sure I want to go with you. But everywhere we would go I would enjoy my time with you, I love you so so so so so so so so so so so so much and I really want to hear your voice, I love you so much. I miss you terribly baby, you’re my everything. But I know it’ll be okay, I’m not going anywhere, my life belongs to you. And you belong to me you stupendous, clever, ethereally beautiful, sweet girl :p you’re my everything genuinely and I can’t say it enough and even if I said it a trillion times it wouldn’t be enough. I’m here, waiting, not going anywhere, I’m completely yours and my life belongs to you, I hope you never overthink or doubt it, I love you so much Wifey, I can’t wait to play with you again, to plan with you, to talk with you, to love you completely the way it was always supposed to be, to make you laugh, to make you feel safe, to make you the happiest girl alive, to give you everything I have, to be completely ruined by you which I still am but I want to be ruined even more, you’re my everything and it’ll never change. I belong to you fully. I love you so much Salma, I’ll put that ring on your finger, that’s a promise. Well, I promised a lot of things in these letters but I never said it’s a promise but they are, but now I’m saying it out loud. I promise I’ll marry you and put that ring on your finger. I love you so much my beautiful princess, you’re my Queen. I love you so much.

Hi baby, it’s 17:44 on August 5th… Yesterday marked the 60th day.. I wanted to write yesterday but I fell apart twice on the same day, you probably did as well, and I’m so sorry.. I found your Spotify as well.. I.. I just want to talk directly to you at this point, not in letters.. They don’t help anymore.. Streaming doesn’t help anymore, playing osu doesn’t help anymore.. I’m just.. Sad.. Exhausted.. The same as you, but you do it in a house where you can’t feel safe and your desires are not respected.. And that takes a lot of strength, you should be proud of yourself. And I really want you to know that you’re worth it, you deserve the love I want to give to you every single day, you deserve to be happy, you deserve to follow your hearts, not the restrictions. You don’t deserve what your family is doing to you. And I’ll never understand them.. It’s been 9 days since I last wrote to you, and I can’t even write since you blocked my mom. I miss you so terribly.. I- really don’t know what to say anymore, I love you so much but I don’t want to write it in the letters anymore because I want you to actually read it real-time and feel it and see your reaction.. What am I supposed to do baby? I want to help you but how am I supposed to help more than this? Every move I have in my mind is risky, and I don’t want to reset the progress you’ve been building towards for I don’t know how long.. I just.. I just want to be with you forever, and love you and marry you and make you the happiest girl alive.. To hear your voice every day, to text you good morning and good night every day.. To play with you.. To watch anime with you.. I want to do everything with you because without you nothing feels the same, they feel empty and even though I try my hardest to be happy I just cannot, I genuinely cannot after this long, and I can’t pretend I am even though I know that it’ll be okay, it’s just too heavy at this point even for me.. Is it okay for me to feel this way? To feel like the weight is crushing me at this point? To miss you so terribly and wanting you so badly that I don’t even want to do anything else other than laying down and crying and sleeping? I- I’m really lost without you, even though I know that we’ll be okay and we’ll be with each other.. Yet I feel like I’m getting crushed, maybe drowning is a better word.. I don’t want you to feel guilty but you probably blame yourself for this, and I really want you to stop blaming yourself, it wasn’t your fault. I just wish I could hold you and reassure you that you don’t have to feel guilty and nothing you ask for is too much, that you deserve the love, the happiness, you deserve to be yourself with me, I accept you for who you are and I’ll protect you. And I don’t really care about your dad being close to a gang, what will he do, fly to me while he knows nothing about me? I just care about you, your happiness, your sadness. And you’re shining, even though you probably can’t see it, but you’re shining brighter than any star could. You’re the one who matters to me the most, and it just eats me alive that I can’t reassure you, can’t tell you that it’ll be okay, that it’s okay to follow your own heart and do what you want, that your desires and happiness matters.. It eats me alive that I can’t be there for you when you need it the most.. That I can’t wipe away your tears when you’re crying.. That I can’t hug you and tell you that nothing can change my feelings about you.. I’m so sorry Salma that we have to go through this, I.. I don’t know what to do anymore.. Other than loving you loudly in my head and my whole online existence is for you, so that’s probably loud as well.. I really don’t know what to do baby, I just want to be with you and talk.. I’m so tired… But I know it’ll be okay, because I wouldn’t let it happen otherwise. I’m yours until the very end Salma, my life completely belongs to you. Since you put up Rikka, and I answered with Yuuta and Rikka on my banner. You probably know the contract is signed. Every promise I said without saying it and the one I said out loud stands for eternity, I’m all yours to take.. So please take my hand.. I belong to you and without you it doesn’t make sense.. I’m sorry that this was a sad letter, but I’ve been feeling down for days now.. But I still love you more every day, the sadness and the silence can’t kill the connection to you and my love for you, nothing can. I just feel really heavy and I just want the silence to be over so I can love you loudly the way you always deserved.. You’re worthy of it baby, you deserve it, you don’t have to feel guilty. I love you so much Salma, I hope to talk to you soon..